Monday 29 April 2013

Kindly advice! Straight from the heart...Are we not destined to be together?

My name is Seun, I'm 32 years old; I got married to the love of my life, Kenny, in 2010.  I courted and dated my husband for six years; we both attended the same university for our undergraduate and Masters. 
Within six months of our marriage, my Kenny moved to a country in Europe, he said, he wanted us to be more than an average family, hence the reason why he travelled.  His plan for us was for us to have our children in Europe.  After one year that my husband had travelled, I kept bothering him with numerous phone calls, I later informed  him that I wanted to move to Europe as I felt that, I was not enjoying my marriage and almost all my friends continue to ask me the big question: “When are you joining your husband?”  A question that I am avoiding as I have no answer.
In 2011, the news that I had never imagined, I never knew my Kenny would ever engage in such act. The action that he took doesn't depict a Born Again Christian.  Kenny informed me that, in order for me to move to Europe to live with him, he married an European woman so as to obtain citizenship, with the aim of joining my husband in Europe.
Last year November 2012, I contacted my husband via his land-line  his European wife picked up, and there was baby noise in the background.  The European wife passed the phone to my husband, I asked my husband about the baby.  Kenny just said it unexpectedly; he stated that, “it is our baby”. The European woman and I decided to have a baby together; it is for our future, as I will be able to invite you to Europe.
After the phone call, I wept bitterly.  I became tired of everything; I have no children not to talk of having one child for my husband.  I'm still in shocked; I'm not sure what to think of his act, did he cheat? Has he committed adultery?  Is it love? As his main purpose of marrying the European woman was to enable me to come to Europe.
Last week, my male best friend, whom we grew up together asked to go on a date with him.  I'm terrified to go on a date with him, as I feel that it will constitute cheating.  However, I'm thinking of leaving my husband, I want to marry somebody else as age is not on my side, but I don’t think I have the courage to do that.
I plan to move to the North, where nobody would recognise me.  I'm still confused on what to do. 
Please help me!

Note: The name of the couple have been changed.

Photo credit: 

Be Sociable and Share this post:) 


  1. What Kenny did was wrong on all levels(both religion and moral), his marriage to the European lady is not legal so you are still his legal wife. Albeit painful, there is nothing more you can do but to pray to God to return your husband to you.
    As a Christian, divorce is not an option and seeing any other man will be termed "adultery".
    You have to remain strong in God and I pray for grace for you to endure this great challenge.

    1. Rightly said Temi, she must continue to pray. The Bible says, "We should pray continually" (1 Thessalonians 5:17).

      While praying, she must remember to support her husband support. Marriage was first instituted by God, therefore, Seun must place the issue to God, the creator of marriage.

      There's a scripture in 1 Corinthians 10:13 that states that, there is no temptation that has overtaken you that is not common to man.

      I have heard of a similar incident. The woman sought counsel from a Pastor Mrs (one of the best marriage counsellours).

      The Pastor Mrs advised her to continue to pray for her husband every day and for the woman to use the authority she has in Christ to command her husband back to their home country, and also for the woman to give God an ultimatum as to when she would like the prayer to be answered.

      The woman prayed and fasted, she was encouraged by the Pastor Mrs continuously. Within a few months of praying, her husband returned back. They both undertook marriage counselling, to prevent strains on their marriage. The woman also had to ask God to help her to forgive her husband.

      God is in the business of ensuring Christian marriages work, as long as you call upon Him for help and guidance. Do not seek ungodly counsel. Ungodly counsellors would want you to leave your husband.

      My advise

      Seek Godly counsel, preferably from a female Pastor who has a ministry in marriage counselling.

      Prayerfully tell God to direct you to people that will counsel and support you.

      Pray in tongues and be directed by God, listen to His instructions.

      Ask God to strengthen you.

      Do not keep silent about your worries, share all your worries with your counsellor.

      Stay around people that love you.

  2. Wow! This is SERIOUS!!!!!!!!!!
    Seun, you'll need the help of a God fearing Counsellor

    1. Thank you Anonymous. I agree, she needs the help of a God fearing Counsellor who is ready to support her and also pray with her.

  3. My response starts with the question - u r not destined to be with anyone. You make a choice and have to stand by your decision. As Temi said, divorce is not an option. U sound as tho you are a born again christian even if your husband might have acted against that. In that case, i want to assume you involved God when making your choice. If so, speak with God. If not, pray even harder. There is nothing you can do....only God can take action. If you divorce, you have to stay unmarried.

    1. Thanks Bernardo for your contribution.

      You wrote: You are not destined to be with anyone. What do you mean by that? Kindly expatiate.

      1 Corinthians 7 gives clear instructions on marriage and instructions about getting married. I will encourage Seun to read it, and any one reading this blog.

      There was an incident, whereby a lady was deceived by her husband into their marriage. She earnestly prayed to God, whilst she was praying, she experienced different forms of abuse from her husband, alongside her prayers, she implemented 1 Corinthians 13 vs 4-7. When she was about to give up praying, her husband passed away. After her husband passed away, she re-married.

      Your own testimony is going to be unique. Pray to God to take charge of the whole situations and let His Will be done. Remember, the Lord has the overall power to control the heart of each individual person, He has to power to direct it as He pleases (Proverbs 21: 1 Paraphrased).

  4. i will go straight tot the point. dont leave ur marriage. but I think you and your husband need a lot of talking and u both need to communicate so both sides know what is happening n sort it out. dont forget bout this other lady, she must have been deceived as well.
    ur husband is wrong and he needs to know dat n needs to accept some responsibilities n not say he is doing it for u! he is doing it for himself!
    i dont see why u can not go out on a date with ur BEST friend, jst n d same way u wld have gone if it was a female best friend-i mean he is nt asking u out or anyfng. However if u know going will make u do or say inappropriate things , then dont go!

    have u told ur parents and his parents as well? i will nly recommend dese 2 pple to know as u dont want complications....I know it good to kp u business to urself but i think for this case, both parents shld know wat is going on as deir advice may be helpful

    pleas as much as possible dont overthink n give urself depression. enjoy life as much as u can. do things that makes u happy n just trust God in it..i know dis may be difficult be honest dere is so much u cant do n thinking n crying will not solve the issue, so y not hand it over to the one who can do all things and be rest assured he will sort u out.
    dont leave ur marriage. hang in dere n continue to pray. pray for God to give u wisdom to deal with this, touch d heart of all involved and make a way out

    1. Thank you tenpointsreviews.

      I would be mindful for a married woman/man to go on a 'date' with their old best friend. When a man and woman are one/married, even if there is cheating involved, it is still the responsibility of the wife to ask permission of her husband or to inform her husband before going on the date.

      You are right, she should hand it over to the Lord, seek counsel from her parents.
      You raised an important-communication. Very crucial.

    2. when i say "date" I am not implying the wordly interpretation. I do not see anything wrong in a friendly chat over a drink or something (avoiding things like home visit when its just both of them). this person could be the only person she can open up to (best friend?). just cause he is a guy then why should she just keep it on all in that case..could cause depression?. Yh I agree, her husband should be aware that she is going obviously especially since its a male friend.....but then again like i said, if she think it could lead to like temptation or other things, then she should not go. to be honest it depends on the history they both have.