So guys, we arrive at the end of the sexual purity interview trilogy and we saved the juiciest for last... an in-house interview. Can I get an amen? Amen! Since Sage isn’t married, we turned to none other than the founder of this blog (Mysses Lafunky) and her husband (Blog Editor) to share their experience about sexual purity.
They got married last year at a wonderful ceremony in Abeokuta, Nigeria. What neither of them know is that their wedding was the first time Sage would travel outside Lagos for a wedding. Even Iya Sage was mocking him: "shey you see, when I used to travel for events and you used to complain; now you’ve started." Anyways, that’s how special they are. What a wedding! Beautiful, well-organised and the food was on-point, no “Wedding Party” drama lol. Had a selection of chow like I was at a buffet in Ming-Moon (Birmingham where are you 😩). If I tell you Mysses Lafunky is shy Hehn... when the MC said: "kiss your husband", she started laughing. Oko Iyawo (the groom) even threw a birthday party for her during the reception, sang a song and also played the keys; such celebration of love. This 2017, Sage go celebrate love sef (Bishop Oyedepo prophesied it) but till then let’s check out their views on sexual purity among others.
Sage (SG) interviews Mysses Lafunky (ML) and her husband (HD)
SG: How did you guys meet and what made you say yes to him?
ML: Sweety (fondly called by me) and I met in our church in Birmingham in 2011. We were church friends before I said yes to him.
How did I say yes to him? I had known that he was going to be my husband before he had asked me out. Prior to asking me out, the Lord told me and showed me a couple of things about my future which I wrote down. Some of the things that God had shown me were pretty unimaginable. One of the things that God told me was that sweety was going to be my husband and I should allow Him to order my steps. Deep down in me, I felt it was impossible for the vision to come to pass. Thus, I guarded my heart to the extreme by avoiding sweety and also I avoided his calls and I chose not to return them. I didn't tell anyone about the vision except my best friend (my chief bridesmaid). She was like let's see how everything would go and she joined me in praying.
God is such a mysterious God; His ways are indeed not our ways. His wisdom is incomprehensible. As sweety is a guru in technology, he had previously downloaded the App called WhatsApp on my phone but this never worked and since I was not very good with technology, I didn't bother to figure it out. After a while that I had avoided him, the App started working and with the excitement of it working, I sent him a message via the App to thank him and to also inform him that this was my first time of using it since he had downloaded it. Also, I used the opportunity to apologise for not returning his calls all the while. He immediately rang me and said I should not worry about not returning the calls. After this time, our friendship blossomed. Our friendship blossomed to the extent that we knew every single thing about each other. I had also liked what I'd known so far about him. Then I went back to God to guide me and to order my steps.
SG: How did you know ML was the one when you met her?
HD: I actually didn't know she was the one I would marry when I met her. We were nothing more than friends in Church. We were both active members of the Youth Fellowship and occasionally, we as well as another Youth in the church planned programmes together. So, the short answer is no, I didn't know she was the one. It wasn't until over a year after I had known her that I definitely knew she was the one and for me, it was a Word to me from God confirming that.
Between the time I first met her and when I definitely knew she was the one for me, I got to know who she really was, how she interacted with people, her stance on certain things etc. In addition, prior to knowing that she'll be my wife, I had actually written a set of prayers (a letter to God) during a time of prayer and fasting where I told God to keep, watch over and prevent my future spouse from an irreversible mistake as I didn't want to be worried about any of those.
SG: Can you recall your first date? Where was it?
HD: Yeah, I definitely recall this. It was at TGI Friday. I asked if we could meet for a meal and asked her to choose a venue and that's where she picked. It was a really good one and we had fun just chatting in a relaxed environment.
ML: Yes. It was TGI Friday, Birmingham. He asked me to choose the venue. He was actually not in the country at the time. The day of his arrival after a very long flight, he dropped his luggage at home and came straight to the restaurant. At the restaurant, I was extremely shy. In fact the closest people to me got me ready for the date. When I arrived at the restaurant, I was so shy to come out of my car to meet him as he was already waiting for me at the restaurant. I remember I sent a message to my best friend while I was at the car park, she encouraged me. Considering I was not a big fan of dates, nevertheless, the Lord directed my steps accordingly.
At the restaurant, a random man came towards us and said: "You really make a great couple, can I please take your picture for you using your phone?" We consented. A voice immediately whispered into my ears and said "This is another confirmation for you, same way I have brought him closer to you without your help; this is the time." We had a lovely time at the restaurant.
SG: What does sexual purity mean to you?
HD: Sexual Purity means keeping away from anything that can compromise our God given sexuality. Anything such as; thoughts, pictures, videos, actions etc. God created sex exclusively for a man and a woman in a marriage and the sex is exclusively reserved for them and only between them, no third parties are allowed.
ML: Sexual purity to me is about using every part of our bodies to give glory to God because God owns our body. To give glory to God with my body is to despise what God wants me to despise, to avoid what God wants me to avoid and to do what God wants me to do with my body.
Finally, sexual purity is about not corrupting/damaging/spoiling the body and the mind that God gave me. It's about honouring my body and mind the way the Lord expects me to honour it.
SG: Society gives the impression that guys are programmed to sleep around. How did you manage to handle the pressure of staying pure?
HD: The Bibles says that we should not be conformed to this world but to be transformed by the renewing of our mind (Romans 12:2). So, I chose to disregard whatever impression the society wanted to impose on me and chose to live by the word of God. For me, it didn't feel like pressure because I was focused on following God's direction for purity and waiting for the appropriate time to "awaken love."
SG: You once wrote about the No THKS, how were you able to set the boundary with HD?
ML: Yes, I wrote about the No THKS (No Touching, No inappropriate Hugging, No Kissing and No sexual activities) because that was what we practised and the Lord gave me an instruction to ensure the message of the No THKS reaches everywhere.
To answer your question about how I was able to set boundary with sweety. We both set the boundaries. The Bible says in Amos 3:3 that can two work together except they be in agreement. From the outset of our relationship, we agreed that this was the right thing to do as children of God. As per boundary, one thing I can remember is that at the beginning of our relationship, sweety sent me a web link of Garry Chapman's love language quiz (http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/). We had to complete the quiz and we established what our individual love languages were. We then spent time to learn how we could express those love languages in a pure way within our courtship and we also took time to learn about the ones that we couldn't express until marriage.
Also, I had read tons of books on Christian courtship before we started our courtship, those books helped with my understanding and sweety also encouraged us to read books recommended by him and I encouraged him to read my books too and we reviewed our lessons from the books. One thing that I also did was to spend time with the Holy Spirit to teach me ways to love sweety in a God glorifying way and also to love everything about him; those lessons have been extremely valuable. I sometimes share the learning with those that seek counsel through the blog's email address (email@example.com) and I have written about some of the lessons on the blog.
Finally, the Bible says in 2 Corinthians 6:14 that we should not be teamed with those who do not love the Lord. It was very vital for me that a man that I would marry would share the same belief systems with regard to sexual purity and he would also take the lead role to ensure that we lived a life that was blameless before God. Someone once told me that I would never find a man like that. It is false! There are numerous single men and women out there who would not compromise God's word. Take your time to be guided by the Lord.
SG: Was the No THKS ever broken?
ML: It was never broken. However, there was a time that it nearly got broken. I remember the day sweety proposed, the proposal took place at a restaurant. As he placed the ring on my finger, my natural reaction was to give him a kiss. Thank God for my sweety, he did not allow the whole excitement to get to him. Also, the Lord led us to write a yearly vision about what He wanted us to focus on a yearly basis in our courtship. At the end of each year, we reviewed the vision and we were able to note that none of the boundaries were broken. The No THKS principle was never broken in our courtship. Praise be to God.
SG: Going into marriage, how are you still ensuring that you both remain sexually pure?
HD: We're ensuring that we remain pure by putting our focus on God first then on each other. By doing this, we don't let any thought, person or thing lure us away from being committed to each other and God. Once something or someone wants to distract us, say a thought that someone else is better than my wife and I should consider being close to such a person, I rebuke such thought with the word of God and remember that my wife is the best wife I could ever have. I'd say whether married or single we all must ensure we keep a guard on our minds for that's the seat of sexual purity (as well as many other things).
ML: We are ensuring that we both remain sexually pure by:
- Embracing the fact that sexual activities are exclusive and confined between both of us and no third parties.
- Ensuring that our emotions are pure and guarded by the Word of God.
- Open communication between us.
- Also continuous learning between us. We have a couple's devotional bible that we read together.
- As we read a couple of books on Christian marriage prior to getting married, we have not neglected the importance of reading Christian marriage books/articles in marriage so that we can continue to gain knowledge about God's expectations for Christian marriage.
- We also believe the scripture that says that we must RUN AWAY from every appearance of evil including any evil thoughts.
- We both understand that staying sexually pure within marriage is in obedience to God and shows our love and commitment to God's teaching. We also know that when we face our Maker (God), we will give account of how we have lived on this earth. Our prayer is that we will not violate the Word of God in any way in Jesus' name.
SG: Do you have any good tips to share with our readers (both singles/married) about staying sexually pure?
For the Singles/Engaged: I would say that there's so much time for sex and everything accompanying it inside a marriage. So, don't be in a hurry to have sex, kiss, touch, etc. regardless of the pressures or temptations to do so. I tell you that the pressure that seems insurmountable is only a feeling and can be put under control.
For the married: Now that you're married, DON'T ABSTAIN FROM SEX unless it is a mutual agreement for a short period so that you can take time to be alone with God. Don't let each other be tempted. You're now married, the man's body is the woman's and vice versa.
For the Singles/Engaged:
- You need to ask yourself where your loyalty lies: is it in pleasing God and also edifying the body of Christ? or is it in pleasing your body or the person you are in a relationship with?
- If you have been sexually active/previously engaged in sexual activities and you have chosen to stay sexually pure, you may initially struggle to control your sexual urges. Ask God to embrace you again. God is a God of second chance. He is ready to forgive and cleanse you, once you ask for His mercy. However, determine within your heart that you want to stay pure and stay away from anything that will spoil your new way of life.
- Ensure your beloved share the same principles as you. Both of you have to be in agreement about staying sexually pure. Don't wait to start the relationship before you know about your intending spouse views about sexual purity. Come up with scenarios of sexual purity and ask your intending spouse about their views.
- Regularly remind yourself of what it means to show love in a Christian way and learn how you can show love to your beloved in a pure way that is pleasing to the Lord.
- Start building friends and mentors that will guide you in the right way.
- If you are in a relationship and you can’t stop engaging in the THKS, I will advice you and your partner to SPEAK out, SEEK SUPPORT, and if you still can’t stop, to honour God, the solution is to end the relationship. God said that, whoever covers his or her sin will not prosper Proverbs 28:13. Please, stop hiding it; speak out so that you can be FREE from it.
- Remember the Word of God that was repeated in Songs of Solomon that says that "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." It should be awaken after you are married.
- Have a discussion with your beloved about what arouses both of you and discuss ways to avoid them and ways to flee.
- Do not masturbate neither should you start watching pornography. Your body is the temple of the Lord, therefore, glorify God with your body and soul. God also expects you to think on things that are pure.
- Ask God to help you not to fall into sexual sins and be determined to make the right choice. God said that you can do all things through Christ which strengthens you. Believe in your heart that you can stay sexually pure in mind and actions.
- Finally, remember that your virginity (primary or secondary) is as important as being sexually pure. Total obedience to God is better than half obedience; half obedience is disobedience.
For the Married: Take time to study God's expectations for marriage and conform to it. Also, run away from sexual sins and emotional cheating. Let there be no hint of it found among you. Carry each other along. Also, don't suffer in silence if you need clarity with anything. Seek God's directions and have trusted Christian friends that you can speak to.
SG: Do you have any practical tips to handle the pressure of becoming sexually active in the first few weeks of marriage?
ML & HD:
- Do not wait until marriage to find out about what sex in marriage should be about. For us, as we got closer to the wedding day, we were both free to talk about sex, our views on sex in marriage, romance etc.
- Take time to learn about romance and sex in marriage. We bought a Christian book for us to read about sex and romance in marriage and there was a Christian website that was extremely useful, both were practical and extremely informative for us. We both had a mandate to ensure that we were not ignorant about our readiness for sex and romance in marriage and as we were gaining the knowledge, we shared our knowledge with each other. Therefore, we would encourage you to PREPARE and PREPARE and share your knowledge with one another, start getting comfortable with the subject especially when you are close to saying I DO! Proper Preparation Prevents Problems.
- Another thing that helped was that a week or two after our wedding, Mysses Lafunky embarked on an online Christian marriage sexual course organised by Immerse coaching (Pastor DDK). The course was a life changer, Pastor DDK literally gave a practical task for the trainee to undertake with their spouse every week. Look for various christian ways to prepare.
- You can also speak to your married friends as to how they prepared or any challenges that you may encounter along the way. Ask God to direct you to where you should gain the knowledge from.
SG: Thank you both for taking your time to be interviewed. Readers & followers, I hope you have gained a number of things from this exclusive interview.
About Mysses Lafunky and Hubby
Mysses Lafunky is the founder of this blog while her husband is the chief editor of the blog. Mysses Lafunky became a Minister in 2016 at The Redeemed Christian Church of God, Covenant Restoration Assembly, Sandwell, England. She obtained an Advanced Diploma in Christian Ministry from Christ The Redeemer College, UK in 2016. She founded this blog in 2012 after the leading of the Holy Spirit. The vision is to build lives that the Lord Jesus Christ will be pleased with. The blog helps Christians regarding relationships, building a closer relationship with God, people and educating people about sexual purity/Christian courtship.
Articles are published on the blog every Monday by the team.
Feel free to ask Mysses Lafunky and her husband any questions below or via email firstname.lastname@example.org. They are also happy to recommend the books and websites that they have found valuable.