Note: Esther is pseudonym, in order to protect the person's identity.
My name is Esther, I'm 27, and I work as a Biotechnologist.
I'm a choir leader and a Sunday school teacher at my local church.
My fiancé and I attend the same church. He is also a Sunday school teacher and he is part of the instrumentalists.
I am grounded in the Word of God, likewise my boo is grounded in the Word. My parents are Pastors; they taught me the Word of God since I was a child. I am so grounded in the Word, to the extent that, I can quote any scriptures at any given time.
Since I started my relationship with my boo, 3 years ago, I have done things that I shouldn't do. I continue to engage in oral sex with my boo. From kissing, caressing, sexual intercourse, amongst others. We have done everything you can imagine.
Sometimes, we even have sex before Sunday service, yet, we both minister every Sunday. We are both respected in church, and people come to us for advice.
We both want to stop engaging in sexual sins but we just can’t. Whenever we engage in sexual activities, we are quick to apologise to each other and to God. We are aware that, it is a sin against God and a sin against our body, but we can’t seem to stop having sex. We even promised each other that, we won’t visit each other any more but I've noticed that, I always lure my boo to visit me, I always make him feel bad if he doesn't visit me.
I want to stop engaging in sexual sins, I need help, I can’t tell my Pastor or my counsellors as I feel that, my parents will find out, and they will be extremely disappointed. They are extremely proud of me, I'm their golden daughter, academically I have done well, in my career I have achieved a lot. They see me as a good role model to my siblings. Whenever I visit my siblings, my conversations always revolve around the importance of staying pure sexually, yet I struggle with it.
Please help me! I want to stop sinning. My boo also wants to stop. He is actually not interesting in pre-marital sex but he engages in whatever I want, as he hates to see me upset. I'm usually upset when I don’t get my way.
You may be thinking why am I not married, my boo is still studying, we can’t marry until he obtains a job, with a good salary.