Monday, 5 May 2014

I KEPT MY VIRGINITY, NOT MY PURITY

Happy Monday to my lovely followers and readers.

I have a confession to declare, there was a time that a number of my followers entered a competition on my blog, I posted the books to three of the winners, however, there are two people that have not yet received their books.  I've been thinking of the logistics of how I would post the books to your respective countries.  Please forgive me:). I will do something about it in due course.

From counselling people, my personal experience and discussions that I have had with people; it appears that young people are now taking a stand against pre-marital sex, it's great news and fantastic for young people to take such stand! This suggests that young people are being enlightened. 

Some young people believe that when they do not engage in sexual intercourse, they are not having pre-marital sex, therefore, they are not committing any sins. I used to have such notion in the past but thank God for trimming me using different means. I think some of our views may have stemmed from the teachings that we heard whilst growing up.  Growing up, the message about purity that I heard centred around keeping your virginity. Don't get me wrong, we must still continue to teach about keeping virginity, however, it must be combined with staying pure.

*I would advise that youth fellowship leaders, teenage ministers/teachers, singles ministry leaders, and anyone that usually counsel young people should incorporate teachings in relation to purity*.


God wants us to stay pure, He wants us to maintain our purity. He wants us to exercise self-control and keep ourselves pure.  

Someone once said that, her fiancée does not support sex before marriage, however, she is fine with kissing, caressing and oral sex, as long as she does not engage in sexual intercourse.  The fiancé also 'values' her virginity and he would like them to take things slow but still ensures that she keeps her virginity until their wedding night.

The question is,

What is the difference between Purity and Virginity

In line with the post below, kindly click here for tips that I implement.

The post below is written by Danielle Renfrow:

"Couples all over the world will claim they are “taking it slow” but what does this really  mean?

Does it mean the same thing to the both of them? Where do the physical boundaries start and end? 

I think when singles today discuss protecting one’s purity, they confuse “purity” with “virginity.”

The value is placed on whether or not one is a virgin, not if they have compromised any other part of their body or mind to maintain their virginity.

As a result, in many cases, one is technically physically still a virgin, but has compromised their body, mind, and heart to maintain their physical virginity. Consequently, failing to protect their purity. There is much more to living purely than abstaining from sexual intercourse.


Purity is a life style.  It is an everyday mode of being.  Purity is not a choice. It is an instruction from God. God created sex as something good. Genesis says He created it for us to enjoy and to reproduce, “to be fruitful and multiply.” This is why He has given us body parts that were specifically made for sexual pleasure and baby making.

However, God reserved sexual intimacy for the marriage relationship, and it is approved and blessed by God only in this context. Sexual activity represents a deep and powerful level of intimacy and vulnerability. By God’s intention, the only relationship God designed to thrive on and sustain this level of intimacy, is a godly, devoted marriage between man and woman, husband and wife.

All physical intimacy between man and woman was created by God. Physical intimacy (holding hands, touching, sex, etc) is natural. Of course, it feels good.

It is natural for a man and woman to want to further explore the nakedness of one another. It is natural to be stimulated or aroused by the sights, sounds, touch, or even smells of one another. I believe this is why it is so hard to live purely, because it is a constant fight against our flesh, of what is natural.

However, we have to remember that purity is a sacred gift from God.“Anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun. And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to himself through Christ. And has given us this task of reconciling people to him.”
 (2 Corinthians 5:17-18).  When we surrender our hearts to Jesus we share in his glory with a renewed knowledge of God, a transformed way of thinking and behaving that begins to reflect God’s purity, His holiness, His spiritual wholeness.

So, what is the truth about sex and purity? God created sex; therefore, it is natural, but God gifted purity. Therefore, it is supernatural. The only reason we are called virgins is because we have not had sex, thus we have not progressed in the natural timeline of humanity. The only reason we call ourselves pure is because God called us pure. 

The definition of purity is to be morally clean without blemish . The only way we are morally clean without blemish is because of the blood of Jesus. Through Jesus’ perfect sacrifice on the Cross He calls us pure. Impurity is something that is unacceptable to God.  Therefore, by logic, purity could be defined as something that is acceptable to God.

So then, are you pure if you have never had sex? Not if you’ve been cheating the system in other ways. If purity was only based on sex, then after I got married I would no longer have to strive for a life of purity.

I never understood the value of my purity until I freely gave it away. I compromised my body, my mind, and heart because I was more concerned about how it felt and what my boyfriend at the time would think of me if I said No.

I always grew up with the desire that I would wait until my wedding night to have sex. After college, I started dating a man in my church. We never really discussed boundaries…I mean, why would we? He was a Christian. I was a Christian. No worries there, right? (Caveat!: Christians aren't immune to temptation! ) Discussing physical boundaries never took place until the heat of the moment when we potentially crossed lines. The temptation to further explore one another’s bodies was constant and the pressure was great.



In my mind, I always thought I would never do more than kissing before marriage. Just like all temptations, when we flirt with it for so long, it is only a matter of time before you do something you never thought you would do. I let him touch me in places that belonged to my husband. Lies of the enemy bombarded my mind. I became more concerned with the question, “How far is too far? ” rather than understanding what God meant by purity.

We Christians love the already defeated game of, “How much can I get away with and still be a Christian? ” I was alone, ashamed and had no one to talk to. I was so confused because I still had my virginity.

I grew up in the church and so many of the teachings on purity was about being a virgin for your husband. So, why was I so consumed with the shame and disappointment as if I had had sex? Even though I maintained my virginity, I gave away my purity.

It was clear to me that my actions at that moment were not acceptable to God’s standards. When I chose to be impure, I butchered the gift of purity in which Jesus died for. I realized that if I did not value my purity, a gift God gave me, then did I really value what Jesus did for me on the Cross?

 _______

I wondered a lot on how my future husband and I would protect our purity before marriage, and if I really had the strength to fight it. This was when the Lord began challenging me with the idea to not kiss my boyfriend.

My first response to the Lord was, “Absolutely not. What kind of man would even want to be with me once I told him we cannot kiss?

”Then God said to me, “Danielle, are you willing? Are you willing to do whatever it takes to protect your purity, the purity of your future husband, and your purity as one?


The choice to protect my purity, a gift that God gave me, began in my mind and in my heart first. Sometimes we have to get to a point where we are willing to do whatever it takes to keep us from compromising.


Sometimes we must be willing to do whatever it takes to protect ourselves from falling into the sins of our biggest temptations. Purity is now!"

- Danielle Renfrow

Are you willing to set physical boundaries with the person you are with, even though the world would say it is not normal?

Are you ready to take a stand for PURITY?  Are you willing to break a relationship with that special person who continually causes you to lust?

My lovely readers and followers, are you thinking Myss Lafunky does not understand your struggles? 

Trust me, I do, I bless God for transforming me and for the decision that I have made to ACCEPT and FOLLOW His ways. Please, do not think it is a myth to stay pure. It is Possible! I have taken a stand and some of my friends who are courting have also taken a stand, Myss Lafunky's blogspot is not writing a theoretical post but rather from experience and wisdom from God.

Take a stand for PURITY!  Click here for a post that I wrote that may guide you.

To our UK readers and followers, Happy Bank Holiday!

Be sociable and share this post with others

- Myss Lafunky

18 comments:

  1. Great Post!

    I totally agree with the writer Danielle; If purity were a thing of just sex or to do with singlehood, then those who are married need not worry about it, right?
    I believe that purity is a life style too, so even those that are married are expected to be pure sexually as well. So, as fornication is to singlehood so is adultery to marriage life.

    Let's all take a stand for purity from today whether single or married!

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    1. Thank you Twale for your comment. I agree with your view. As fornication is to singlehood so is adultery to marriage life. A point from this post is for singles not to just see sexual intercourse as the only definition of fornication. One must ensure one's actions, thoughts and words are pure when one is in a relationship. Someone shared their comment with me via social media stating that, if a Christian decides to take a stand for purity, she believes that the Grace of God is available to help such individual.

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  2. "As a man thinks in his heart, so is he" (prov. 23:7).
    I enjoyed the reading and I agree that it is a good line of action for leaders to help their followers/students see WHY we should avoid some certain lifestyles and embrace some others. This should help shape thought patterns. For example, help ladies understand why their mode of dressing is important and not just rules to stop them from wearing certain clothes.
    I have come to understand that it is all in the mind. Sam Adeyemi mentioned in his book, 'sex straight talk' that your most important sex organ is YOUR MIND. Romans 12:2 asks us to renew our minds regularly. This is because when we don't do so, other ideas of the world gradually come in and eventually saturate our thinking so that we are so far off from purity where it matters most - OUR MIND and hence we easily give in to sin.
    If we truly what to protect our purity, we really need to be careful of what we watch and listen to. That therefore means that we need to filter our friends well as they could play a prominent role in our lives.

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    1. Thank you Opeyemi for creating time to comment. Isn't it interesting that one of the scriptures that you share above is even shared below..the scripture about As a man thinketh so is he.

      I love your explanation of the role the MIND plays. I agree! We must renew our minds..and how can we do that? by reading the bible, reading my blog:) reading books, when we feed our minds with the right information, we are very likely to 'unlearn' all the wrong information in our minds.

      Thanks for referencing Reverend Sam Adeyemi's book. I actually have a copy of the book. I'm a relationship book junkie.

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  3. "As a man thinks in his heart, so is he" (prov. 23:7).
    I enjoyed the reading and I agree that it is a good line of action for leaders to help their followers/students see WHY we should avoid some certain lifestyles and embrace some others. This should help shape thought patterns. For example, help ladies understand why their mode of dressing is important and not just rules to stop them from wearing certain clothes.
    I have come to understand that it is all in the mind. Sam Adeyemi mentioned in his book, 'sex straight talk' that your most important sex organ is YOUR MIND. Romans 12:2 asks us to renew our minds regularly. This is because when we don't do so, other ideas of the world gradually come in and eventually saturate our thinking so that we are so far off from purity where it matters most - OUR MIND and hence we easily give in to sin.
    If we truly what to protect our purity, we really need to be careful of what we watch and listen to. That therefore means that we need to filter our friends well as they could play a prominent role in our lives.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Indeed very beneficial. Please permit me to emphasise a point made here..."as a result, in many cases, one is technically physically still a virgin, but has compromised their body, MIND and HEART to maintain their physical virginity". My emphasis here is the mind and heart. Purity extends beyond the physical but actually starts in the heart. Scripture says that "as a man thinks in his heart, so is he". Therefore, we are a product of our thoughts. If what fills our mind is impure, then we cannot say that we are pure. Jesus confirmed this when he stated in Matt 5:8 that "God blesses those whose hearts are pure, for they will see God".
    Thank you for posting this up. Serves as a timely reminder for me to check my thoughts and to continually subject every imagination to the will of God. Bless your heart Myss Lafunky!

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    1. It is definitely a reminder for us all to check our thoughts. Thank God for the Grace of God.

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  5. Speaking as a married woman, it is essential that although you are married and scripturally entitled to be having sex, the mind still has a lot to do. There are women who have issues in the area of satisfaction and instead of taking it to the Lord in prayer are lusting after another or engaging in masturbation. The fact that you are married does not negate purity. You still have to be pure in all. We shouldn't be naive in thinking marriage solves all. It doesn't. Don't dwell on how unsatisfied you arr (things of the flesh) rather talk to your husband and take it to the lord in prayer. Coincidentally we did a session on this topic with our young people in church and God was glorified as people rededicated their lives to Christ again.

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    1. Thank you anonymous for your comment. It pleases me to read that this topic was treated with young people at your church. Thank God for the lives that were re-dedicated. I pray that the Young People will be guided by the Lord and they will renew their minds with right knowledge I'm Jesus name. You are certainly right, purity applies to married couple, it does not necessarily mean when a married person literally slept with someone else that is not their spouse, it could be masturbation, watching pornography, dwelling on things that you shouldn't dwell on, fantasying on someone else's spouse, amongst others.

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  6. Thanks for the post Myss LaFunky, indeed it is not just about keeping your virginity, it's more about purity because when you understand purity, I believe the question of virginity wouldn't even occur. Yes it is difficult; unfortunately the world as seen these things (kissing, touching etc) as normal but I pray by the mercies of God that we're able to be pure in our hearts. Daily I pray to God to create in me a good heart & I believe God is working something out.

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    1. You welcome. God is a God of multiple chance, His mercy endureth forever, yet He cannot stand sins/impure acts. Amen to the prayer.

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  7. Hello Myss Lafunky
    I thank God for this post. I do believe all things work unto good for God-lovers. :)
    I commented on your post in Babes Redefined group and I'm glad you mentioned your blog and even more so, that I checked it out. This post just caught my fancy. Only earlier today, I was doing a private retreat and here I am now. God does lead if we let Him. What you speak is true and I'm certain is the Holy Spirit speaking to me. May God keep using you to enrich the lives of your blog readers(or 'stumblers' like me...lol) and they in turn, the world out there. This I pray in Christ Jesus' name. Amen.

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    1. Amen. I hope I have sown the truth in you in regards to purity.

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  8. I am really thankful for this because it is really what also happened to me. You have straighthened my stes, thank you.

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    1. I'm glad and I feel honoured to have strengthened you.
      Now that you have known the truth, I believe that you will start living a living a purity life.
      Have you read the post, don't judge me, I'm in love I do not kiss? The post is on the blog, search it. I promise you that it will be a blessing. It's a very practical post.

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  9. I love this piece Funke. Very practical

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  10. So you want to find out what "losing your virginity "means. Well before going any further, if you don`t know already then maybe you`re not ready for losing yours. Losing your virginity is not a matter to be taken lightly. San Francisco escorts

    ReplyDelete