Sunday 12 July 2015

How To Control Your Sexual Urges In Christian Courtship

Hello Readers & Followers,

How was your weekend?  Hope it was beautiful. Happy Monday!

One of the most commonly asked questions on the blog is how to be sexually pure in Christian courtship. This week's post is about how you as a Christian single can control your sexual urges.

Sexual urges are feelings resulting from the urge to gratify sexual impulses. This is an emotion that you can control, as children of God are not ruled by their emotions but by the Word of God.

During your single time, God expects you to practise self-control and to surrender your desires to Him.  You are to view the challenge of managing your sexual desires as an opportunity to develop habits that please God, good habits that you can teach the people around you and an opportunity for you to develop godly character that show your love and commitment to God.

Some of you have asked why God cannot remove the sexual desires and bring the desires back when you are married. Unfortunately, God won't take it away as there's an appropriate time and place for sexual desires - 'marriage.'

We have been warned severally by God in the book of Songs of Solomon (2:7, 3:5, 8:4) which state "I charge you, please do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." In other words, God is telling you not to excite love, not stir it up, until the time is ripe and you're ready.  For Christian singles, the time is only ripe after you have been joined as husband and wife to your spouse in marriage.

For the purpose of this write-up: Beloved means boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancĂ© and fiancĂ©e.  

Tips that may help you to control your sexual urges: 

1) Ensure that your relationship is centred on Christ's principles.

2)  Remember the Word of God that was repeated in Songs of Solomon that says that "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." It should be awaken after you are married.

3) Have a discussion with your beloved about what arouses both of you and discuss ways to avoid them and ways to flee. 

4) Ensure you avoid engaging in the things that trigger your sexual urges.

5) Learn to push your sexual urges thought away. Immediately remind yourself of the consequences of practising your sexual urges and remind yourself of what the Word of God says.

6) Avoid sleep overs at your beloved's house.

7) If you have been sexually active and you have chosen to stay celibate, you may initially struggle to control your sexual urges. However, determine within your heart that you want to stay pure. Ensure your beloved share the same principles with you and regularly remind yourself of what it means to show love in a Christian way and learn how you can show love to your beloved in a pure way.

8) Do not masturbate neither should you start watching pornography. Your body is a temple of the Lord, therefore, glorify God with your body and soul. God also expects you to think on things that are pure.

9) Avoid engaging in sexual discussions with your beloved and avoid watching or reading sexual explicit information.

10) Ask God to help you not to fall into sexual sins. God said that you can do all things through Christ which strengthens you. Believe in your heart that you can stay pure.

11) Seek counsel from a Christian friend or a Christian leader or your mentor.  You must ensure that the advice is based on the Word of God.

12) Have an accountability friend that would always remind and teach you the true word of God.

13) If you are engaged, and you believe you are ready for marriage, consider getting married (1 Corinthians 7:9).

Recommended book for singles: Say Hello to Courtship by Joshua Harris. This book can be purchased from Amazon.

If you have any questions, feel free to comment below or send an email to

Enjoy your week! 

- Myss Lafunky 

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