Tuesday 10 February 2015

What Men Really Want

Below is a guest post from one of my Readers and Followers. Please, read and leave a comment and also share it with your friends. I learnt a few things from the post.  I guess nobody is above learning.

Do you agree with Sage's views of what men want in a woman? Readers and followers are welcome to contact me via trulymakingadifference@gmail.com if you would like to write a female's perspective of what women want from Christian men.

So I came up with this title when driving home one day from work. I decided on this title because I felt it’s high time our young ladies had an idea of what a man wants from a man’s point of view; not women magazines or health books like TD Jakes once said (I’m paraphrasing him here). So this is my attempt, albeit amateurish and solely based on experience, to paint a picture of what men really want.

While researching for this article, I Googled the phrase ‘what men really want’ and to no surprise Google turned up articles that took the physical angle of sex, dirty talk and looks. I doubt nobody will go "what!?" Nothing on character!!! So how are women to know the characters that are dear to men and better still, born-again men?

Before we get into it…..WARNING! This is a no holds barred article. Now that’s sorted, let’s start with sex. Sex was created by God to be enjoyed in marriage between two people. Sex is truly a pleasurable experience…don’t ask how I know LoL. Someone told me/old things have passed away/#speakingforafriend. Herein lies the problem; let’s stop by 1Pet.2:11 (GNB): "I appeal to you, my friends, as strangers and refugees in this world! Do not give in to bodily passions, which are always at war against the soul". As a born again single or about-to-be-married sister, does it then mean you can’t please your man before marriage?

Then we have the other part……dirty TALK! If you can’t engage in fleshly desires as a born again single sister then what is the purpose of talking dirty to your boyfriend or soon-to-be married man? That brings us to Eccl. 1:2: "vanity upon vanity, all is vanity". Then you swing by Timothy (1Tim6:20 & 2Tim2:16) and we are warned to abstain from idle talk.

That leaves us with looks. There is this belief among girls of nowadays, especially the bodied ladies… if you’ve got it, flaunt it. My sister undeceive yourself (Pro 31:30)…less is more. Let’s see what the Bible says in Gen.24:64-65 (NKJV): "64. Then Rebekah lifted her eyes and when she saw Isaac she dismounted from her camel. 65… the servant said, “it is my master.” So she took a veil and covered herself." As a guy, it isn’t an easy task staying with a pure heart and mind…especially those of us that used to be in the world. As Myss Lafunky once said: "Sisters lets dress to save not dress to kill." Now I’m not saying you should go caveman and not take care of your looks but I’m saying as a born-again brother, the only way I can be attracted to you as a lady is when you dress decently. Rebekah had that understanding.

So, if these things aren’t meant to apply to us as born-again Christians what does? The answer is simple…character and attitude, meaning your behaviour. Now, I can definitely tell you, there is no point dressing like an Esther or Rebekah and having the behaviour of a Jezebel or Vashti…..you will definitely lose your place as a Queen in the home.
For the mathematically inclined sisters let me give you a simple equation:

S + E + X= 48%

B + E + A + U + T + Y = 74%

Take an average of BEAUTY and SEX= 61%

That leaves 39%. Know fully well that this average will decrease with time. Why? Prov. 31:30: "Charm is deceptive and beauty disappears……"

H + A + R + D + W + O + R + K = 98%

A + T + T + I + T + U + D + E = 100%

Take an average of HARDWORK and ATTITUDE = 99%

That leaves 1% which can be easily filled by all the extras (that can fade away or change: looks, style, fashion sense etc.)

In my own opinion, there are three things in no exact order of importance that can make a man love you to the extreme and make you the queen of his heart and home.

  1. Respect
  2. Loyalty
  3. Attention
Respect: I know I said in no order of importance but hey… power of the pen. Why is respect important in a woman’s character? Well, as always the Bible has the answer, let’s check it out. Est. 1:11 tells us how the king ordered for Queen Vashti and surprise she refused. How dare her refuse the call of the king? The man in charge of the home. Guess what happens next? Typical manly behaviour (no time to understand why… just what is the next step)… the king spoke to his guys and of course you know what his guys suggested. Ladies I can tell you, if you do not respect your man he will never put you in his home. Even the mother (wonderful women they are) would refuse such a union. Let’s also stop by at Luke 7 and read the story of the woman that washed Jesus feet with oil. Hey NO THKS oh! Let me make my point; her sins were forgiven because of the respect she showed our Lord Jesus Christ.
Then we’ve got Eph. 5 which tells us about what men and women of God are expected to do. When a lady respects her man, she respects his authority and submits to him. Submission to a man’s authority is not a sign of weakness but instead a sign of strength. You may be wondering how….I’ll tell you. Nowadays, we have much more successful and career-oriented women that in some cases are doing better than their men. How easy is it for such a woman to submit to her man? Prov.31:25 says: "She is STRONG and respected and she is not afraid of the future." For every Vashti, there is an Esther. May you be an Esther in Jesus name.

Loyalty: Just as respect is an important trait, so is loyalty. How many men do you think will want to marry a disloyal lady? Swing by Prov.31 and let’s see what I mean. As a woman, there are certain commitments that men expect their woman to be faithful to; now we’re not asking for a superwoman but a woman who stays faithful to her commitments. As a single woman, your loyalty can be judged by how you keep to your promises or better still the way you apply yourself to the things you are committed to. When you read about the Prov. 31 woman, she is a woman who is faithful to her commitments and in verse 29 it shows the reward for loyalty.

You want a man that will treat you like a Queen? Be loyal to him….don’t jump ship whenever his faults turn up or whenever he doesn’t react the way you expected him to react. Even for my fellow men in the world, loyalty is a big deal…I’m sure we know the Chris Brown song "these girls ain’t loyal" (I listen to the radio lol). How much more for us brothers in Christ. When you see your boyfriend or fiancĂ©e going through a tough time, there is no better time to prove your loyalty to him than by sticking by him and encouraging him. Mal. 2:15 warns men against treating the wife of our youth wrongly; the Bible is clearly on your side.

Attention: Now on this issue, I would like to dispel the myth that men don’t need attention. Ladies, forget about it. If you don’t pay attention to the man, Ekaette will take your place in the blink of an eye. The more attention you shower on a man the more he would love you and praise you. Ladies I repeat, MEN LOVE ATTENTION. FACT! How do I know this? Lets look at Luke 7 again, the lady in the story paid attention to Jesus and He forgave her sins. You may be asking, how do I combine school work with church duties and still give my man attention? Well, you need the grace of God. You also need to learn how to manage your time and priorities.
As a man, it would be unfair if we don’t understand your busy schedule but that understanding is on the basis that at some point such a schedule will not last forever. If it does, the understanding will instantly go out the window. This is one of the things that made Vashti lose her crown to Esther; the king called for her attention and she denied him; but when Esther went without been called, look what happened (Est.5:2-3). Prov. 31:27 is a good example and see what verses 28 & 29 said of the woman who paid attention to her man and family. See what the King was willing to do in Est. 5:6 just because of the attention she gave him.

In these times of the feminist movement and more career-oriented ladies, these traits are even now more important than ever. May God give you the grace to be a Proverbs 31 lady because it is there and then alone would a brother-in-Christ want to make a fellow sister-in-Christ his Queen.
 - Sage
Sage is a graduate of human resource management and a 24/7 salesman. A clay in the hands of the Potter, he is on a journey to knowing God and becoming the man God has called him to be. He has a passion for football and society at large. In his quest for knowledge, he has recently restarted his passion for reading books. He lives in Lagos, Nigeria.


  1. Wonderful words, and true too. I receive the grace to be the woman that man after God's own heart is looking for.

  2. Someone contacted me to state that she was unable to post a comment. Please try again.

    I love this write up. It is good to have you on board Sage.

    I love the mathematical equation.

    A large number of ladies believe that the physical beauty attracts men to them, looking prim and proper. Although I believe physical beauty has its place, however, like u rightly pointed out, respect, loyalty and attention is quite crucial. This means, even if a non Christian person is very good in being respectful, being loyal and she adores her man, she may also get a good guy.

    I believe this type of teaching should be taught to Young Girls in conjunction with building their relationship with God.

    Some of what you wrote above, I had to learn them at a later stage of my life,

    Yes Yes, I agree with the statement that you made about our dressing. Infact, I also usually make a statement that, you don't have to dress like a Nun to show that you are a Christian neither should your dressing make someone to lust after you. Dress elegant, dress beautiful and dress to save and ensure your dressing is not questionable or makes other people to question your belief in Christ.

    Ladies, let us learn to praise our men more, let us offer our listening ears to them more.

  3. I have taken time to read all the scriptures that you quoted. They are so powerful. They ministered to me so much. In fact I have had to examine my life, not just examine my life only but to work on myself to be better. Foreword ever!!

    I love how you quoted the No THKS, I have never linked the story of the Alabaster box, where the woman kissed the feet of Jesus, for a reason why people would engage in kissing prior to marriage. Do you also know that to kiss does not equate to being loved. Ask Judas who betrayed Jesus with a kiss.

    For the benefit of our new readers and followers, NO THKS rule is No touching, No hugging inappropriately, No Kissing and No sex (any types) prior to marriage.