Hello readers and followers,
How was your weekend? Hope you had a great time.
Someone asked a question whether it was okay to sleepover at your boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancé, fiancée's place so as to get to know each other more.
I belong to a group where the question has been exhausted with tons of answers; Twale and I will offer our views below. I wanted Twale to be included in this write-up as some ladies believe it is usually the guys that insist on sleepovers, it will be nice to know a single guy's perspective about sleepovers.
Myss Lafunky asked Twale: What do you think about sleepovers? Sleepovers between two people that are in a relationship? Can we sleep over in order to get closer to each other and because we live in different cities?
Twale's response: Emmm . . . Would you allow my cat watch over a tasty cat treat of Fish Flakes in Jelly? I doubt it! I am very much against sleep overs no matter how far apart both people live. Regardless of how born again or spiritual humans are, we are still human and are prone to be drawn by the lust of our human flesh. Sleep overs sounds pretty harmless (and yes it should be) so why a fuss about it? It's because it could potentially lead one to sin.
A biblical example is Tamar and Amnon. In a sleep over situation, even boundaries set by those involved in the relationship could be easily crossed. Why? Because it's in the secret place and one could be overcome by temptation because this is a case of fleeing the temptation not resisting it.
It is commonly said that sin thrives in secrecy, well, sin is born in secrecy!
There are many ways to know each other better without having to sleep over. Why put one's self in a situation that may lead to temptation when it can be avoided? That's Wisdom.
Summary of our discussions
Also, the reason for sleeping over is not concrete enough- to know how the person lives so that you can study them closely is not an acceptable reason to engage in sleepovers. You can study your partner closely without sleeping over. You can pray to God to reveal the person to you. We believe that you will only know someone truly when you have been married to them and when you start living together. Even after marriage, it takes a while to know your spouse.
May we kindly ask, how are you learning about each other if you are meant to be SLEEPING? *Hmm..if you truly examine it carefully, sleepovers are not needed.*
There are no reasons that will ever make sleepovers at your partner's place right. It is dangerous and the likelihood of compromising your purity is very high.
We don't know how someone can sleep over and resist youthful lusts, remember the Bible says resist all youthful lusts?
Also, God is protecting us and He does not want us to defile our body, He also advised us to flee from every appearance of evil and from every youthful lusts. God knows that, no matter how strong we think we are in our Christian faith, it is a lot easier to fall into sin in an enclosed place where nobody is watching or seeing us.
If it works for Person A, it doesn't mean it will work for Person B.
Myss Lafunky: I am personally not in support of sleepovers. I can recollect when one of my male friends wanted to visit me, and he wanted to stay over at my place, I advised him that, he must book a nearby hotel to stay or he should stay at a friend's place, he rejected the offer and he cancelled his visit to my place.
I never felt bad for my action, I stuck to my belief, I didn't care if my view was misconstrued as arrogance.
Standing for purity means you speaking out/standing for the truth/for you to dare to be different for God at all cost, and focussing in pleasing God more than pleasing your friends or your special friend.
We believe the likelihood of practising the THKS is very high when you sleepover. Also, how would others perceive your action? Especially other young girls that look up to you. Remember what Paul said here, same applies to other areas of one's life.
What would others think of your action? The Bible says...we should ensure that our actions do not cause others to sin.
Even when you sleep in the same house, in different rooms, it can be dangerous when no other adults are present. I don't think any adults that slept over at their fiancé's place prior to marriage will encourage anyone to implement it, as we all know that the experience usually ends up not being pleasant.
To our dear readers and followers, please don't fall for excuses such as: "Don't you trust me, nothing will ever happen", "We are both Christians we won't do anything" or "I can't believe you don't trust me" or "How would I get to know you properly if we don't have sleepovers", "It is only this weekend that we will sleepovers".
"I promise you nothing will happen" , "You can sleep in the spare room while I sleep in the other room", "You can sleep on the bed while I sleep on the sofa or on the carpet."
Don't be stubborn and insist that you want to sleepover, and please, don't start quoting that, it is not expressly stated in the Bible that you cannot sleepover.
Twale and I recognise that, even without sleepovers, it is possible to compromise your purity. We believe that, you are working towards maintaining purity and you will take every necessary steps to stay pure.
Practical steps to take in order to prevent you from sleeping over
- Ensure you have a day visit in an open place.
- Ensure that you discuss the benefits of not sleeping over and the consequences of sleeping over.
- Ensure that you plan only DAY TRIPS together, when you marry, there will be tons of opportunities for weekend trips.
- Never compare your relationship to another couple who do not see an issue with sleepovers.
- If you stay in an indoor place together, have an accountable partner, also, promise God that you will not compromise your purity even if your day visit includes being in an enclosed place together.
- Never ever entertain any late night visits from the opposite gender, never welcome any of your friends that are of the opposite gender to stay over, no matter how well you trust them.
- Bear the cost of paying for a B & B accommodation or a hotel. The cost of a room in a hotel is cheaper and it is better to pay for a hotel than for you to compromise your purity, which you can never redeemed with a price.
- Myss Lafunky and Twale
If you have any questions for us, feel free to send us an email on firstname.lastname@example.org we shall be happy to help.