Monday, 20 March 2017

Omoby Adeyemo: See Into Her Christian World

We continue with our series on “Christianity Explored.” Last week, Ope shared his Christian journey with us. From his interview, I was reminded that in Jesus Christ, we find hope and everlasting joy. Also, God is faithful and never fails. I hope you were able to gain a few things from Ope’s interview (click here to read his interview). 

Follow me as Myss Lafunky (ML) finds out more about Omoby’s Christian journey



Omobolanle Adeyemo, popular known as Omoby, has a passion for counselling, coaching and teaching singles in areas of relationship, career and purpose. Her message boils down on teaching Youths to maximise their single life while waiting. 

Omoby is a professional Quantity Surveyor who holds two degrees in the same field. She’s a member of the Nigerian Institute of Quantity Surveyors (NIQS) and an Incorporate Member of the Chartered Institute of Building (CIOB). She has interests in building construction and engineering projects. Keep reading to find out more about Omoby’s Christian’s journey and how you can reach out to her.

ML: Tell us a little bit about yourself apart from what has been said already.

Omoby:  My name is Omoby. I love travelling, reading and writing. 


ML: When did you become a Christian, a born again Christian?

Omoby: I grew up in a traditional Christian home. My parents were good Christians and went to church regularly which I enjoyed. However, I knew that there was something else missing. Having Jesus as a personal saviour did not come until 24th December, 2005. It was after this time I started reading the Bible and consciously following all the tenets of the Bible.


ML: Any special moments?

Omoby: There were no special moments. I just felt that the time was right and I needed to consciously and deliberately invite Jesus into my heart.


ML: How has the journey been?

Omoby: The journey has not been all rosy. I have faced pain and cried my eyes out but my solace is always that I have a God through Jesus Christ who understands everything that I am going through.
I have faced and been tormented with failures, my inadequacies and my defeats, but in all of this, God has been faithful.


ML: What has Christianity taught you?

Omoby:  First of all, Christianity has helped me understand “life” better. Somehow, with God, I came to realise that life is a transient: extremely brief and a temporary residence. I have learnt to make the best use of every minute I get and impact lives in any way I can. I try not to waste my time on frivolities or stuffs that has no eternal value.

I have come to know that there’s far more life than here and now. Thus, I have stopped worrying about “having it all” or earthly crowns. The goal and purpose of God for my life which I have come to learn through my work with God is beyond material abundance and a good career or marital success.  Don’t get me wrong, all these are good while living on earth, but I should not lose sight of eternal goals as well.

Two, Christianity has helped me to develop my relationship with God. It is in this journey I came to understand how I could become best friends with God and sustain my relationship. Before being born again, it used to look weird to me when people spoke of their relationship with God and how they maintain friends with Him. But I have come to understand that I can, through constant communication with Him in my everyday activity and through continual meditation I can actually be close to God. In a similar vein, it gives me so much pleasure that God desires friendship with me more than anything else.

Three, Christianity has taught me that God is always willing to help us defeat temptations. Psalm 50 vs 15 talks about the privilege we have to call upon God as many times as possible whenever we are faced with any situation greater than us even if it means defeating a particular temptation hundred times a day, His patience never wears out.

Christianity taught me how to be kind and good to everyone, i.e., have a heart of compassion for those less privileged than me and loving them with the love of Christ. This means that I shouldn’t do anything that would hurt a fellow brother or sister and to treat them as Jesus would.


ML: Christianity has indeed taught you a lot of things. Would you want to continue the Christian journey or stop?

Omoby: Definitely! The Christian journey is a walk of faith. Christianity is a journey I would want to continue. I don’t know any other way that gives me so much peace and love as this. 


ML: Any tips for our readers who are contemplating whether they should be a born again Christian or not and also to anyone feeling discouraged about their relationship with God?

Omoby: To new converts, please relax, you’ll not understand everything that’s in here. But remember that even when you’re faced with pain, God always has a purpose (2 Corinthians 4 vs 17).

Secondly, the Christian walk is a continuous walk into perfection. You’ll not get to be all perfect or good or kind or nice or lovely overnight. But, refuse to give up. Rejoice and give thanks even when things are not going as planned. Remember Romans 8 vs 28-29, God’s plan is always good. 

Finally, remember that it takes time to grow. Thus, your Christian growth is gradual and not overnight. Don’t stay discouraged, be patient with God and yourself, don’t get discouraged and believe that God is working everything out in your life even when you don’t feel it.


ML:  Thank you for your time Omoby.

Omoby: Thank you for the honour and opportunity. 


Omoby can be reached via:

Facebook: Omobolanle Adeyemo
Instagram: @omobyy
Blog: omobyblog.wordpress.com
Facebook Page: Omoby

See you next week Monday for another real life interview about journey into Christianity.

Have a lovely week!

Monday, 13 March 2017

Ope’s Journey into Christianity and What Christianity Has Taught Him


I am so in love with this new series. I can’t wait for the readers, followers and the team to learn about other people’s journey into Christianity, how the journey is going, what they are learning and whether they will continue on the journey among other things. Also, I believe it's an opportunity for the people that we are interviewing to reflect on their christian faith.

Follow Myss Lafunky (ML) as she finds out more about Ope’s Journey


ML: Tell us a little bit about yourself
Ope: My name is Opeyemi Akinola; 5th of 5 children; Lecturer and practising Civil Engineer based in Nigeria. I am married to one wife.

ML: When did you become a Christian/born again Christian?
Ope: My parents got married as Muslims. I was born the year after my mum became a Christian. Dad became a Christian 12 years after I was born. I dedicated my life to Christ in Secondary School in 1998.

ML: How has the journey been?
Ope: It has been interesting; though not easy but every experience has been well worth it.

ML: What has Christianity taught you?
Ope: It has taught me so many things and helped me become the man I am today. I have found hope and joy in situations where many have been heartbroken. It helps me to learn to live and love better on a daily basis.

ML: Is this a journey that you want to continue in or stop?
Ope: Certainly, it’s a journey I look forward to continuing. I learn a lot on a daily basis and my steps are ordered. It feels great to have a father I can always look up to and trust that my all would be alright.


ML: Any tips for our readers who are contemplating whether they should be a born again Christian or not, or to anyone feeling discouraged about their relationship with God?

Ope: In Jesus Christ you will feel a peace that passes all understanding – human and otherwise. All your fears would be allayed once you learn to trust in Him fully. He is faithful and never fails. He loves better than any earthly father can.

ML:  Thank you for taking your time to be part of our series.
Ope: Thanks for the honour to take part in your short interview.

See you next week Monday for another real life interview about journeys into Christianity.

Have a great week ahead.

Monday, 6 March 2017

Christianity Explored | New Series Starting Next Week Monday

Welcome to another week on Myss Lafunky's blog. Thank you to those that followed our last series on sexual purity and those that took their time to send us messages about the series.

For the next few weeks, Myss Lafunky and her team will be sharing different accounts of what Christianity has taught various Christians; interviews will be conducted and their responses will be shared on the blog. Want to participate in this? Kindly send an email to trulymakingadifference@gmail.com to notify us of your interest.


To kick start the series, I'd like to explore who a Christian is and what Christianity is all about: 

A Christian is a person who has encountered the love of God as a direct result of putting their faith in Jesus Christ and His death on the cross on their behalf. Such an experience brings the person into a relationship of loving obedience.

"A Christian, according to Rowan Williams, is someone whose life is lived in relationship with God through Jesus Christ and, in common with other Christians, is seeking to deepen that relationship and to follow the way that Jesus taught."

To develop their relationship with Jesus Christ, Christians pray, read and reflect on the Bible, worship, meet with other Christians, and then seek to live their lives in the light of the Bible. 

Christians believe that Jesus Christ is God and in order to have a relationship with God, you have to go through Jesus Christ. Jesus says, “I and the Father are one” (John 10:30); “If you knew me, you would know the Father also” (John 8:19); “He who has seen me has seen the Father” (John 14:8); and “I am in the Father and the Father is in me” (John 14:10). 



Who then is Jesus Christ?

The Bible teaches that all things on earth were created through Jesus Christ and He has been there
from the beginning (John 1-1:3). He is God.

On earth there was a need that could only be accomplished by God Himself. Man was separated from God because of sin. (Sin is when people do bad things; like kill, steal, cheat, lie, and hate; etc).

So God became flesh and came down to earth as Jesus Christ (John 1:14).

This is very mysterious for the human minds to comprehend. So Jesus Christ willingly left the beauty and joy of  heaven to be born and in time died on the cross so mankind (every man, woman, boy and girl) could be forgiven from sin.

Jesus Christ died one of the most cruel and horrible deaths ever imagined as He shed His blood
on the cross. This was the only way mankind could be forgiven and brought back into a relationship with a holy God.

Jesus Christ is the only God that is not dead, He is alive in heaven and through His Holy Spirit, He lives insides and guides everyone that believes in Him and has chosen to follow His teachings.

I can't wait to find out what Christianity has taught those that follow the Christian faith. Watch out for the series as we kick off from next week Monday.

Have a lovely week!

References: 
http://www.cofeguildford.org.uk/life/exploring-faith/more-about-jesus
http://www.fillthevoid.org/Children/TheBattle/Who-is-Jesus/Who-is-Jesus-1.html


Photo Credit: https://andywrasman.files.wordpress.com/2017/02/what-is-christianity-all-about.jpg

Monday, 27 February 2017

Sexual Purity | Exclusive Interview with Mysses Lafunky and Hubby

So guys, we arrive at the end of the sexual purity interview trilogy and we saved the juiciest for last... an in-house interview. Can I get an amen? Amen! Since Sage isn’t married, we turned to none other than the founder of this blog (Mysses Lafunky) and her husband (Blog Editor) to share their experience about sexual purity.
They got married last year at a wonderful ceremony in Abeokuta, Nigeria. What neither of them know is that their wedding was the first time Sage would travel outside Lagos for a wedding. Even Iya Sage was mocking him: "shey you see, when I used to travel for events and you used to complain; now you’ve started." Anyways, that’s how special they are. What a wedding! Beautiful, well-organised and the food was on-point, no “Wedding Party” drama lol. Had a selection of chow like I was at a buffet in Ming-Moon (Birmingham where are you đŸ˜©).  If I tell you Mysses Lafunky is shy Hehn... when the MC said: "kiss your husband", she started laughing. Oko Iyawo (the groom) even threw a birthday party for her during the reception, sang a song and also played the keys; such celebration of love. This 2017, Sage go celebrate love sef (Bishop Oyedepo prophesied it) but till then let’s check out their views on sexual purity among others.

Sage (SG) interviews Mysses Lafunky (ML) and her husband (HD)



SG: How did you guys meet and what made you say yes to him?

ML: Sweety (fondly called by me) and I met in our church in Birmingham in 2011. We were church friends before I said yes to him.

How did I say yes to him? I had known that he was going to be my husband before he had asked me out. Prior to asking me out, the Lord told me and showed me a couple of things about my future which I wrote down. Some of the things that God had shown me were pretty unimaginable. One of the things that God told me was that sweety was going to be my husband and I should allow Him to order my steps. Deep down in me, I felt it was impossible for the vision to come to pass. Thus, I guarded my heart to the extreme by avoiding sweety and also I avoided his calls and I chose not to return them. I didn't tell anyone about the vision except my best friend (my chief bridesmaid). She was like let's see how everything would go and she joined me in praying.
God is such a mysterious God; His ways are indeed not our ways. His wisdom is incomprehensible. As sweety is a guru in technology, he had previously downloaded the App called WhatsApp on my phone but this never worked and since I was not very good with technology, I didn't bother to figure it out. After a while that I had avoided him, the App started working and with the excitement of it working, I sent him a message via the App to thank him and to also inform him that this was my first time of  using it since he had downloaded it. Also, I used the opportunity to apologise for not returning his calls all the while. He immediately rang me and said I should not worry about not returning the calls. After this time, our friendship blossomed. Our friendship blossomed to the extent that we knew every single thing about each other. I had also liked what I'd known so far about him. Then I went back to God to guide me and to order my steps.


SG: How did you know ML was the one when you met her?

HD: I actually didn't know she was the one I would marry when I met her. We were nothing more than friends in Church. We were both active members of the Youth Fellowship and occasionally, we as well as another Youth in the church planned programmes together. So, the short answer is no, I didn't know she was the one. It wasn't until over a year after I had known her that I definitely knew she was the one and for me, it was a Word to me from God confirming that.
Between the time I first met her and when I definitely knew she was the one for me, I got to know who she really was, how she interacted with people, her stance on certain things etc. In addition, prior to knowing that she'll be my wife, I had actually written a set of prayers (a letter to God) during a time of prayer and fasting where I told God to keep, watch over and prevent my future spouse from an irreversible mistake as I didn't want to be worried about any of those.


SG: Can you recall your first date? Where was it?

HD: Yeah, I definitely recall this. It was at TGI Friday. I asked if we could meet for a meal and asked her to choose a venue and that's where she picked. It was a really good one and we had fun just chatting in a relaxed environment.

ML: Yes. It was TGI Friday, Birmingham. He asked me to choose the venue. He was actually not in the country at the time. The day of his arrival after a very long flight, he dropped his luggage at home and came straight to the restaurant. At the restaurant, I was extremely shy. In fact the closest people to me got me ready for the date. When I arrived at the restaurant, I was so shy to come out of my car to meet him as he was already waiting for me at the restaurant. I remember I sent a message to my best friend while I was at the car park, she encouraged me. Considering I was not a big fan of  dates, nevertheless, the Lord directed my steps accordingly.
At the restaurant, a random man came towards us and said: "You really make a great couple, can I please take your picture for you using your phone?" We consented. A voice immediately whispered into my ears and said "This is another confirmation for you, same way I have brought him closer to you without your help; this is the time."  We had a lovely time at the restaurant.


SG: What does sexual purity mean to you?

HD: Sexual Purity means keeping away from anything that can compromise our God given sexuality. Anything such as; thoughts, pictures, videos, actions etc. God created sex exclusively for a man and a woman in a marriage and the sex is exclusively reserved for them and only between them, no third parties are allowed.

ML: Sexual purity to me is about using every part of our bodies to give glory to God because God owns our body. To give glory to God with my body is to despise what God wants me to despise, to avoid what God wants me to avoid and to do what God wants me to do with my body.
Finally, sexual purity is about not corrupting/damaging/spoiling the body and the mind that God gave me. It's about honouring my body and mind the way the Lord expects me to honour it. 
Read 1 Cor 3:16 & 6:18-20 for more.


SG: Society gives the impression that guys are programmed to sleep around. How did you manage to handle the pressure of staying pure?

HD: The Bibles says that we should not be conformed to this world but to be transformed by the renewing of our mind (Romans 12:2). So, I chose to disregard whatever impression the society wanted to impose on me and chose to live by the word of God. For me, it didn't feel like pressure because I was focused on following God's direction for purity and waiting for the appropriate time to "awaken love."


SG: You once wrote about the No THKS, how were you able to set the boundary with HD?

ML: Yes, I wrote about the No THKS (No Touching, No inappropriate Hugging, No Kissing and No sexual activities) because that was what we practised and the Lord gave me an instruction to ensure the message of the No THKS reaches everywhere.
To answer your question about how I was able to set boundary with sweety. We both set the boundaries. The Bible says in Amos 3:3 that can two work together except they be in agreement. From the outset of our relationship, we agreed that this was the right thing to do as children of God. As per boundary, one thing I can remember is that at the beginning of our relationship, sweety sent me a web link of Garry Chapman's love language quiz (http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/). We had to complete the quiz and we established what our individual love languages were. We then spent time to learn how we could express those love languages in a pure way within our courtship and we also took time to learn about the ones that we couldn't express until marriage.

Also, I had read tons of books on Christian courtship before we started our courtship, those books helped with my understanding and sweety also encouraged us to read books recommended by him and I encouraged him to read my books too and we reviewed our lessons from the books. One thing that I also did was to spend time with the Holy Spirit to teach me ways to love sweety in a God glorifying way and also to love everything about him; those lessons have been extremely valuable. I sometimes share the learning with those that seek counsel through the blog's email address (trulymakingadifference@gmail.com) and I have written about some of the lessons on the blog.

Finally, the Bible says in 2 Corinthians 6:14 that we should not be teamed with those who do not love the Lord. It was very vital for me that a man that I would marry would share the same belief systems with regard to sexual purity and he would also take the lead role to ensure that we lived a life that was blameless before God. Someone once told me that I would never find a man like that. It is false! There are numerous single men and women out there who would not compromise God's word. Take your time to be guided by the Lord.


SG: Was the No THKS ever broken?

ML: It was never broken. However, there was a time that it nearly got broken. I remember the day sweety proposed, the proposal took place at a restaurant. As he placed the ring on my finger, my natural reaction was to give him a kiss. Thank God for my sweety, he did not allow the whole excitement to get to him. Also, the Lord led us to write a yearly vision about what He wanted us to focus on a yearly basis in our courtship. At the end of each year, we reviewed the vision and we were able to note that none of the boundaries were broken. The No THKS principle was never broken in our courtship. Praise be to God.



SG: Going into marriage, how are you still ensuring that you both remain sexually pure?

HD: We're ensuring that we remain pure by putting our focus on God first then on each other. By doing this, we don't let any thought, person or thing lure us away from being committed to each  other and God. Once something or someone wants to distract us, say a thought that someone else is better than my wife and I should consider being close to such a person, I rebuke such thought with the word of God and remember that my wife is the best wife I could ever have. I'd say whether married or single we all must ensure we keep a guard on our minds for that's the seat of sexual purity (as well as many other things).

ML: We are ensuring that we both remain sexually pure by:
  • Embracing the fact that sexual activities are exclusive and confined between both of us and no third parties.
  • Ensuring that our emotions are pure and guarded by the Word of God.
  • Open communication between us.
  • Also continuous learning between us. We have a couple's devotional bible that we read together.
  • As we read a couple of books on Christian marriage prior to getting married, we have not neglected the importance of reading Christian marriage books/articles in marriage so that we can continue to gain knowledge about God's expectations for Christian marriage.
  • We also believe the scripture that says that we must RUN AWAY from every appearance of evil including any evil thoughts.
  • We both understand that staying sexually pure within marriage is in obedience to God and shows our love and commitment to God's teaching. We also know that when we face our Maker (God), we will give account of how we have lived on this earth. Our prayer is that we will not violate the Word of God in any way in Jesus' name.


SG: Do you have any good tips to share with our readers (both singles/married) about staying sexually pure?

HD:
For the Singles/Engaged: I would say that there's so much time for sex and everything accompanying it inside a marriage. So, don't be in a hurry to have sex, kiss, touch, etc. regardless of the pressures or temptations to do so. I tell you that the pressure that seems insurmountable is only a feeling and can be put under control.

For the married: Now that you're married, DON'T ABSTAIN FROM SEX unless it is a mutual agreement for a short period so that you can take time to be alone with God. Don't let each other be tempted. You're now married, the man's body is the woman's and vice versa.

ML:
For the Singles/Engaged
  • You need to ask yourself where your loyalty lies: is it in pleasing God and also edifying the body of Christ? or is it in pleasing your body or the person you are in a relationship with?
  • If you have been sexually active/previously engaged in sexual activities and you have chosen to stay sexually pure, you may initially struggle to control your sexual urges. Ask God to embrace you again. God is a God of second chance. He is ready to forgive and cleanse you, once you ask for His mercy. However, determine within your heart that you want to stay pure and stay away from anything that will spoil your new way of life.
  • Ensure your beloved share the same principles as you. Both of you have to be in agreement about staying sexually pure. Don't wait to start the relationship before you know about your intending spouse views about sexual purity. Come up with scenarios of sexual purity and ask your intending spouse about their views.
  • Regularly remind yourself of what it means to show love in a Christian way and learn how you can show love to your beloved in a pure way that is pleasing to the Lord.
  • Start building friends and mentors that will guide you in the right way.
  • If you are in a relationship and you can’t stop engaging in the THKS, I will advice you and your partner to SPEAK out, SEEK SUPPORT, and if you still can’t stop, to honour God, the solution is to end the relationship. God said that, whoever covers his or her sin will not prosper Proverbs 28:13. Please, stop hiding it; speak out so that you can be FREE from it.
  • Remember the Word of God that was repeated in Songs of Solomon that says that "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." It should be awaken after you are married.
  • Have a discussion with your beloved about what arouses both of you and discuss ways to avoid them and ways to flee. 
  • Do not masturbate neither should you start watching pornography. Your body is the temple of the Lord, therefore, glorify God with your body and soul. God also expects you to think on things that are pure.
  • Ask God to help you not to fall into sexual sins and be determined to make the right choice. God said that you can do all things through Christ which strengthens you. Believe in your heart that you can stay sexually pure in mind and actions.
  • Finally, remember that your virginity (primary or secondary) is as important as being sexually pure. Total obedience to God is better than half obedience; half obedience is disobedience.
For the Married: Take time to study God's expectations for marriage and conform to it. Also, run away from sexual sins and emotional cheating. Let there be no hint of it found among you. Carry each other along. Also, don't suffer in silence if you need clarity with anything. Seek God's directions and have trusted Christian friends that you can speak to.


SG:  Do you have any practical tips to handle the pressure of becoming sexually active in the first few weeks of marriage?

ML & HD:
  • Do not wait until marriage to find out about what sex in marriage should be about. For us, as we got closer to the wedding day, we were both free to talk about sex, our views on sex in marriage, romance etc.
  • Take time to learn about romance and sex in marriage. We bought a Christian book for us to read about sex and romance in marriage and there was a Christian website that was extremely useful, both were practical and extremely informative for us. We both had a mandate to ensure that we were not ignorant about our readiness for sex and romance in marriage and as we were gaining the knowledge, we shared our knowledge with each other. Therefore, we would encourage you to PREPARE and PREPARE and share your knowledge with one another, start getting comfortable with the subject especially when you are close to saying I DO! Proper Preparation Prevents Problems.
  • Another thing that helped was that a week or two after our wedding, Mysses Lafunky embarked on an online Christian marriage sexual course organised by Immerse coaching (Pastor DDK). The course was a life changer, Pastor DDK  literally gave a practical task for the trainee to undertake with their spouse every week. Look for various christian ways to prepare.
  • You can also speak to your married friends as to how they prepared or any challenges that you may encounter along the way. Ask God to direct you to where you should gain the knowledge from.  

SG:  Thank you both for taking your time to be interviewed. Readers & followers, I hope you have gained a number of things from this exclusive interview.


About Mysses Lafunky and Hubby
Mysses Lafunky is the founder of this blog while her husband is the chief editor of the blog. Mysses Lafunky became a Minister in 2016 at The Redeemed Christian Church of God, Covenant Restoration Assembly, Sandwell, England. She obtained an Advanced Diploma in Christian Ministry from Christ The Redeemer College, UK in 2016. She founded this blog in 2012 after the leading of the Holy Spirit. The vision is to build lives that the Lord Jesus Christ will be pleased with. The blog helps Christians regarding relationships, building a closer relationship with God, people and educating people about sexual purity/Christian courtship.


Articles are published on the blog every Monday by the team.

Feel free to ask Mysses Lafunky and her husband any questions below or via email trulymakingadifference@gmail.com.  They are also happy to recommend the books and websites that they have found valuable.

Monday, 20 February 2017

Sexual Purity in Courtship | Interview with The Beautified Woman, Funto Ibuoye

Hello Readers and Followers. Welcome to another real-life interview on Myss Lafunky's Blog.

This week, Sage (SG) interviews Funto Ibuoye (FI). Funto Ibuoye is the founder of The Beautified Network, a for-purpose initiative that is focused on enabling women discover and live in the fullness of their God given purposes.


SG: Tell us a little bit about yourself, your likes and dislikes, your Christian faith including your courtship. How you knew he was "the one", How long you courted for etc.

FI: I am Funto Ibuoye, beloved daughter of the Most High, wife to Akinade Ibuoye, mum to Gbolabo Ibuoye; I currently run The Beautified Network which is an initiative for young women and Five28 Interiors, an Interior Design outfit. 
I like chocolates and fried fish, I don't like cooking even though I have to cook; I got born again in October 2006 and it has been an amazing journey so far.
I met my husband in October 2012; we started dating July 2013 and got married November 2014. Courtship was interesting; we broke up once and got back together. I knew want I wanted in a man so when he came, he ticked off all my boxes and I just had this peace about him. 


SG: What does sexual purity mean to you? 

FI: Purity is about choosing to love God more than anything or anyone and because of this love it breaks your heart to want to do anything that breaks God’s heart. God is more concerned about our purity and virginity is a by-product of purity. When you choose purity, it’s only natural that you keep your virginity and in the case where you’re not a virgin, it’s only natural that you stay celibate till marriage. Purity is a lifestyle; a lifestyle of choosing to honour God with everything - mind, soul and body. So, sexual purity to me is about choosing to honour and obey God when it comes to sex and that means fleeing from sex outside marriage and keeping my marriage bed undefiled.


SG: Who made the decision to practice sexual purity when you courted and how did it go? 

FI: We did not exactly make a decision to practice sexual purity; long before we met each other, we had both separately entered into a covenant with God to stay pure until marriage and so keeping that covenant was something we were both committed to and we did by God’s grace.



SG: Were you tempted at all? If yes, how did you overcome it? Or did you not overcome it? 

FI: Of course we were tempted! But by God’s grace and being committed to keeping our covenant and God's instructions, we were able to pull through. One major thing that helped was that we had boundaries in place that helped us overcome, such as not staying in dark or lonely places, inviting friends to our activities at times just to ensure a third party is around; leaving the door to my room wide open if we had to stay in the room.


SG: Any regrets? 

FI: No regrets whatsoever!


SG: Do you have any tips to share with our readers (both singles/married) about staying sexually pure? Any tips on how to handle the pressure of becoming sexually active in the first few weeks of marriage? 

FI: For the newlyweds on handling pressure of becoming sexually active in the first few weeks of marriage, I would say take your time, relax, have fun exploring each other’s bodies, read good materials on sex and seek advice from a trusted Godly married person has been through the same phase you’re in and is open enough to share his/her experiences and help you through.  I realised that there was no point being pressured at all as pressure only makes your body tense which makes it difficult to have sex especially if you’re virgins.

For the married, our goal is not just to stay pure until marriage, we were never meant to lose our purity, as it’s not something that can be lost or given away like virginity. I did not stop being pure because I got married, in fact, marriage requires another level of purity- keeping the marriage bed undefiled. Not only can I not have sex with anyone asides from my husband, I cannot even imagine it.

For Singles, find different good activities that will keep your mind from being idle such as volunteering for events, attending personal development programs, focus on growing your relationship with God and above all, guard your heart; avoid anything- visual, video, music, anything at all that can excite your sexual appetite. If in a relationship, understand each other and set boundaries in place that will work for both of you.


SG: Thank you Funto for being part of our series. Tune in, same time next week as we round off the series on sexual purity during courtship. The awesome Mysses Lafunky and our editor, her husband, share their story with us on how they maintained sexual purity during the period of their courtship and practical steps on how to handle the pressure of staying pure. P.S. I'll be sharing some of the gist from their beautiful wedding, whether or not they give me the permission ☺

About Funto

Funto is a graduate of Accounting from Covenant University and a Chartered Accountant, Funto published her first book ‘Beautified’ in August 2013 and her second book- ‘The 31 Woman’ in July 2015.
She also runs Five28 Interiors, an Interior Design and Decoration company providing beautiful and luxury interiors for residential and commercial purposes.
Funto is passionate about nation building and helping women live up to their full potential. She strongly believes that the empowered woman is one of the greatest assets of a thriving society/nation.
Her life’s goal is to inspire women, both young and old to fulfil their greatness and live their best lives. She is married to fast rising Afro-fusion Artiste - Gaise and they are blessed with a son.

Follow her on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook @funtoibuoye or follow updates on the beautified blog – blog.beautified.com.ng

Photo Credit: http://www.kacheetee.com

Monday, 13 February 2017

Uncensored Interview | Is Sexual Purity Possible in a 7-Year Courtship?

For the next few weeks, Myss Lafunky and her team will be publishing true-life interviews with Christians about their courtship and their views on sexual purity. It promises to be interesting and informative. Let's start with the first interview.

Myss Lafunky (ML) would like to welcome Shade (SD). Shade is a Christian married woman, blessed with an adorable daughter and does various charitable work within her locality. 


ML: Tell us a little bit about yourself apart from what I have mentioned already.

SD: I was born into a semi-Christian family as my dad happens to be a Muslim and my mum is a Christian. Daddy was never home as a military man so we were all brought up in the Christian way.
Mum taught us the study of the word of God with lots of scriptures in our heads but that was just basic head knowledge although it  boosted my faith. In 1995, I gained admission into one of the best secondary schools ever; I was in boarding school. After a couple of weeks of starting secondary school, a Preacher (Pastor Banjo Adesanmi) came to my school to preach and the Holy Spirit convicted me during his preaching and I gave my life to Christ in October 1995.

The fellowship activities in my school gave me a very strong spiritual base back then. We had secondary school clubs like the "praise club", "royal teenagers" by BLW (Christ Embassy) and the likes. We were given responsibilities and always saw ourselves as leaders who must not even break school rules as simple as taking contrabands or talking in the exam hall. We were encouraged on chastity and I remember having a brooch that carried an inscription "WWJD"  meaning, "What Would Jesus Do". Back home, mum encouraged us to attend weddings especially engagements parties and then told us that we must not allow anyone to touch us if we want to have a glorious day.

After secondary school in 2001, I joined Winners Chapel church and the spiritual understanding of so many things dawned on me. I saw more light in scriptures and thus grew immensely in faith.


MLWhat does sexual purity mean to you?

SD: Sexual purity in my own understanding is simply staying completely chaste in every way. Fleeing every appearance of evil as the Bible calls it... Not even the evil itself.


MLWho made the decision to practice sexual purity when you courted and how did it go?

SD: My husband (then fiancĂ©) made the decision on sexual purity. I guess I was more concerned about being a virgin till my wedding night so I really did not mind every other idea of kissing, necking, petting and the likes as long as it did not involve sexual intercourse but my fiancĂ© took a stance against everything even before we had met.

He actually drew up a long list of the do's and don't and asked that I signed it.
So, the many rules kept us guarded even though it did not go down well with me. Some of the rules were: 
  • No public or private display of affection
  • No seeing each other after 8pm
  • No kissing... No petting, no necking
  • No sleep overs at all
  • No being together without a 3rd person being around us
  • Monthly fasting & prayers
  • Monthly discussions on what happened in the month (if he did something that I did not like or if I did something that he did not like).



MLWere you tempted at all? If yes, how did you overcome it? Or did you not overcome it?

SD: Oh yes, we were tempted numerous times, in fact very tempted. I even broke the rules a couple of times too. I can remember one time when I kissed him. His roommate had just stepped out for a while and so he was caught unawares and could not break it off immediately. I can still remember that he screamed at me and I was busy laughing at him though I apologised afterwards.

On another occasion, his roommate mistakenly took the house key with him when he travelled. My fiancĂ© returned late from work and had nowhere to go and I welcomed him to my house. I told him I would be a good girl but he insisted he wasn't going to stay except I slept in my friend's room. I agreed partially. However, when he was fast asleep,I crept back to my room and he did not notice me until the early hours of the morning when I flung my head on his chest and wrapped my hands around him.


MLAny regrets?

SD: Hmm...well, I initially had regrets after I got married and it wasn't easy coping with the idea of sex. I felt immense pains after each trial and it took over 1 week before I even allowed penetration at all. The romance aspect was my favourite but penetration was a capital NO go area for me. It finally dawned on me that I had to adjust to this new lifestyle. Times when my husband wanted sex in the middle of the night when I was busy dreaming of one huge contract. He would touch me and I would scream to be left alone, at times I pleaded or even faked tummy pains /headaches.

The first set of issues we had in our marriage was sex based... I didn't want to hear of it at all. I was given KY gel by a Dr friend to ease penetration. My husband is very gentle, understanding and romantic. He organised lots of candle light dinners in the house, poured red petals from the bathroom to the bed, bought me sexy stuffs to wear, told me romantic stories, prepared my body all day with erotic messages from work and all the rest and gradually I adjusted.

One day he screamed and said "I have been patiently waiting for these past 7 years and now you're acting like a child . . ." Those words hurt me and I cried myself for hours, I said I didn't want sex at all.
He came and apologised to me and said Okay... It's fine. Let's pray about it but I just couldn't pray. Each time I attempted sex, it felt like I was being tortured and it was just penetration. Nonetheless, I adjusted. 

By the 3rd month of being married, I was pregnant and I wasn't thrilled as I hadn't even adapted to the sex life before I had gotten pregnant and I knew I wouldn't even want to try sex with pregnancy as I was just trying to cope even wen I wasn't pregnant. 
Then one day I said to him: "You see the reason why your sexual purity stuff has not paid off". Maybe if we had been trying oral sex, fingering and all, my vagina muscles would have been expanded and there would be no need for the pains... And he said to me "love, we have something to bring to God boldly as a strong reason" and he also said "do you know how many destinies would have been moulded for our own good because we practised sexual purity?"

Meanwhile I had a programme for secondary school children on virginity.... (more like an abstinence club). It still hasn't started because I am yet to find someone of like mind or with same vision and I cannot do it all by myself.
My husband then asked: "Who would rather pass the message of sexual purity to the younger generation if not someone who had practised sexual purity during their courtship and knows it is very possible?"

So initially I had my regrets but along the line, better understanding dawned on me and it didn't look like a regret after all. 

In fact, I forgot to mention some things. The major thing that kept us strong was the fact that rumours were flying around that we had been sleeping together. You know as church workers in a very big church, people knew my fiancĂ© and because of him, they knew me. I was part of the choir and I ministered on the altar and that made it worse. Many ladies in church and choir had eyes on him and they were out to frustrate me. Someone even wrote a petition against me to the church.
It was hard, I used to cry a lot when we heard all those stuffs and all, I even said I wasn't going to marry him anymore. BUT he told me one thing, he said the only thing we could do was to prove everyone wrong by ensuring that we stayed sexually pure and we would be able to boldly declare to everyone that we stayed pure and Satan would not have anything to accuse us of.

So the more the rumours went around, the stronger we became and the more determined we were to our decision.

Left to me... Sincerely I would have faltered long long ago but for my husband, it was a no no.


MLDo you have any tips to share with our single readers about staying sexually pure?

SD: I'll share some tips that worked for us.

  • We filled our times together with meaningful activities
  • Like the saying goes "an idle mind is the devil's workshop"
  • We drew up a long list of books on faith, determination, relationship, prosperity, leadership and the likes from different authors and had a mandate to read at least 1 per month. We did a summary of our books separately, then did a review when we met
  • Majority of the books that I have ever read were during my courtship days
  • We had prayer and fasting days too on a weekly and monthly basis (every Wednesday and last Sunday of the month
  • We also had our relationship mentors
  • We had late Pastor Bimbo Odukoya's books. Infact we sold some of her books in church.
I realised that if your spirit is energised, walking in the flesh is minimal (Galatians 5:16).


ML: Thank you for taking your time to answer all the questions. 

SD: You're welcome. Thank you for the opportunity, I'm honoured. You definitely are going places by God's Grace. May God bless your ministry.

If you have any questions for Shade or any contributions, please leave your comment below or send an email to trulymakingadifference@gmail.com

Myss Lafunky and her husband plan to explore some of the issues that may affect Christians that married as virgins and any other pertinent issues from all the interviews. This session will be posted after all the interviews have been conducted. We have about two more interviews to share with you.

Thank you for reading. Watch out for the next true life story about sexual purity next Monday.

Have a great week!

Monday, 6 February 2017

A Tale of Two Lives

What a week it has been; I had to say goodbye to a very important phase of my life (as well as my old laptop) and move into a new phase. For our dear readers, this is the first article I have typed on my "new" laptop. For the sake of its age and importance I think I’ll name him "Optimus Prime". It’s 4:27 am on a Saturday morning, most of my neighbours would be asleep but not Sage. Sage does not sleep at night, at night, he sees the Sun and gets down to work as it is then I'm most energetic. Part of getting used to my new but old laptop is that the auto-correct functions will take a while to kick in . . . sigh. So here I am at 4:27 am, hunched over my laptop, jamming Travis Greene and Tye Tribbett in order to deliver the post for the week. The Holy Spirit has a way of dropping messages in my heart that hit me hard. Consider these scenarios:
  1. As a child, our parents would lay out rules and regulations by which we must abide or face the risk of the legendary "Pankere" [a wooden cane] (Please, what does Pankere mean and who invented the name Pankere? These are serious questions) . . . Mehn! Was it painful. Then imagine that just a few minutes after laying out all these rules and regulations you see them breaking them? How would you feel? I won’t ask what you would say....who born monkey pikin to correct him mama or papa.
  2. Imagine if a portion of the Bible documented that Jesus lied to His parents despite preaching the necessity of the truth. How would you feel?
  3. Or imagine catching your Pastor in the red light district (my Christmas lights are actually red....it elicited the weirdest response from a guest once, that is a story for another day). How would you feel?

Well my guess is as good as yours, you would label them hypocrites and if you find it difficult to trust people once they’ve broken it, like myself, that is most likely the end of the relationship. Let's see that the scriptures say in Luke 6:41-42:

"And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying, ‘Friend, let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye."

As children of God, it is important to live a life that does not dilute the word with the world. Why? Have you ever been faced with a situation in where you went out to evangelise or were preaching to an old friend of yours and the person laughed in your face, asked you to drop the act and then proceeded to invite you drink alcohol or chase babes? That would be awkward wouldn’t it? Well it is important that we ensure we do not have any log of wood in our eyes so that we may be able to go out to the world and remove the speck of dust from the eyes of others. We have been called to be the salt of the world and to lead others to the kingdom of heaven. We have been called a chosen generation, a royal priesthood (1 Peter 2:9). 


The charge therefore as we go into this new week is to evaluate our lives, ask God for forgiveness in the areas in which we have been hypocritical (I know I have been hypocritical in different areas of my life) and begin to make the necessary changes that will ensure we are blameless and righteous before God. Stay blessed!

P.S. Fam you won’t believe what happened oh! As I finished this post, PHCN "spoke" to me and "took" the light. The entire article had not been saved and you can be sure I lost a significant portion of the work. This was a totally different ending but all things work together for good.

- Sage
Photo credit: witzend.wordpress.com