Coping with death/loss from a Christian perspective.

I just want to encourage my readers that are coping with loss or death of a precious person.

Below article is from UCB, Word For Today:  

"Our culture makes death a subject to avoid or to speak of with gloom. When the subject comes up, even Christians try to dodge the bullet by escaping into vague, irrelevant-sounding metaphors. But God’s Word makes death clear and unthreatening for those who trust in Christ.

‘Dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died, so you will not grieve like people who have no hope.’ God’s Word is direct, concrete, and encouraging on this subject. ‘Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His [godly ones]’ (Psalms 116:15 NKJV). 

From our heavenly Father’s perspective, death just opens the door for Him to enjoy perfect, eternal, delightful fellowship with each of His redeemed children. ‘I heard a voice out of Heaven, “Write this: Blessed are those who die in the Master…how blessed to die that way!” “Yes,” says the Spirit, “and blessed rest from their hard, hard work. 

None of what they've done is wasted; God blesses them for it all in the end’’’ (Revelation 14:13 TM). The Bible assures every believer that their death is not a tragedy but a triumphal entry into heaven. The Amplified Bible puts it: ‘Blessed (happy, to be envied).’

God instructed John, ‘Write this.’ Why? Because God understands that when we lose a loved one we tend to forget His perspective and adopt an emotion-driven perspective. 

Rejoice, believer, ‘…Whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord’ (Romans 14:8 NIV). And the Lord takes good care of what belongs to Him!".

In summary, happy is the memory of those that died in Christ.  Twale shared this scripture with me to encourage you. 

The scripture is in Isaiah 57:1-2 which says that: 

"Good people pass away; the godly often die before their time. 
But no one seems to care or wonder why.
No one seems to understand
That God is protecting them from evil to come.
For those who follow godly paths
Will rest in peace when they die". 

Practical ways of coping with death/loss

Talk to God on a daily basis. Literally voice your views to Him

Sing praises to God

Don't isolate yourself from your loved ones. Talk to your loved ones.

Do things that will aid your healing, going out, writing about it, engaging in your hobbies.

Do not take your life

Do not confess negative words

Take each day as it comes.

Seek counsel. Remember, seeking counsel does not suggest that you are weak neither does it suggest that you are not spiritually sound. God expects us to seek counsel.

Share your worries with God and appropriate individuals.

Have you experienced loss or know someone that has experienced loss? 

Include your voice below so as to encourage others that view this blog.

Be sociable and share this post! 

6 ways of correcting people in love (3 of 3)

Happy Monday to you all!

Hope you had a great weekend? 

Please don't forget to sign up for my blog. It's simple, just enter your email address on the right side of the blog that states 'Follow by Email'.

Here is the final part of  the post: 'correcting people in love'. I hope you have gained something from the post.

The below stemmed from what has been documented in the Bible, from my experience and experience of other people.

6 ways of correcting people in love:

1.   Show the person his fault in private.  (Nonetheless, be directed by God as God may not want you to show the person his or her fault in private. I'm just thinking of the scripture that says that 'Better is open rebuke than hidden love' (Proverbs 27:5). 

2.   Be gentle in your speech (whatever style of communication) and in your approach.

3.   Do not hate or dislike the individual.

4.   Be kind to the individual

5.   Pray for the individual.

6.   If the individual does not listen, pray for the individual again. If the error is so pertinent, the next stage is to take two or three witnesses with you to speak to the individual (How many of us still practise this?).

My experience

I remember I corrected an individual in love; however, the tone of my language was not pleasant as I came across as being judgemental and abrupt. I have also corrected people both publicly and private.

As part of my personal development and having studied the importance of correcting people in love and the implications of not correcting people in love, I am better informed in regards to correcting others in love.

I have two questions for you readers and followers? 

• Do you have an example of how you corrected someone in love and how the person accepted your counsel? 
• Or do you have an example of how you could have improved on how you corrected an individual?
• Do you have an example of being corrected? How did you feel?    

    - Myss Lafunky

5 things to consider before correcting people in love (2 of 3)

Happy Monday to you all!

Hope you had a great weekend? 

Please don't forget to sign up for my blog. 

From my personal experience, experience of others and from what the Bible says about correcting others, I have tried to be succinct by recommending 5 things that we should consider before we correct people in love.

5 things to consider before correcting people in love:

1.     Examine the intentions of your heart before correcting. 

2.     Ask yourself, why do I want to correct this individual? Is it to show the person that they are wrong or is it to find a way to help the person?

3.     Also, ask yourself, am I also guilty of what I am about to correct this individual? Therefore, carefully consider whether you are the most suitable person to correct the individual.

4.     Am I the right person to correct the individual?

5.     Ask the Holy Spirit on what to do.

- Myss Lafunky

What does the Bible say about correcting in love? (1 of 3)

Happy Monday to you all!

Hope you had a great weekend? 

Please don't forget to sign up for my blog. It's simple, just enter your email address on the right side of the blog that states 'Follow by Email'.

The topic for the next three weeks will be about correcting in love.

Let's start with what love is.

In accordance to 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, love is patient, love is kind, love is gentle, love does not get jealous, love does not envy, etc.

Therefore, to correct in love means we must take into consideration the above definition of love.

What does the Bible say about correcting others in love?

When I say to the wicked, ‘You wicked person, you will surely die,’ and you do not speak out to dissuade them from their ways, that wicked person will die for their sin, and I will hold you accountable for their blood. (Ezekiel 33:8 NIV).

Vs 9 of Ezekiel 33 - But if you do warn the wicked person to turn from their ways and they do not do so, they will die for their sin, though you yourself will be saved.

Proverbs 28:23
He who rebukes a man will afterwards find more favour than he who flatters with the tongue.

Matthew 18:15–17

If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. ¹⁶ “But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed. ¹⁷ “If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the assembly; and if he refuses to listen even to the assembly, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

Galatians 6:1
Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted.

2 Timothy 2:24–25

The Master’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps Elohim may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth.

Leviticus 19:17–18
You shall not hate your fellow countryman in your heart; you may surely reprove your neighbour, but shall not incur sin because of him. ¹⁸ ‘You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the sons of your people, but you shall love your neighbour as yourself.

- Myss Lafunky 

Myss Lafunky Reader Responds to: 'To kiss or not to Kiss'

Happy Monday to you all!

How was your weekend?  My weekend was very very very interesting, lots of programmes during the weekend, majority was based on relationships, comprehensive information about Christian families, the role of a man, the role of a wife within the marriage setting, amongst others. Finally, I was pampered with a special gift.

Hope your weekend was interesting as well? 

Please don't forget to sign up to follow my blog.

I want to use this medium to express my gratitude to people that contacted me to seek guidance about no kissing and how they can stay pure during their courtship.

I want to let you all know that we/I am here for you.

One of my readers sent the below comment/post to me.  Having read her response, I believe she is entitled to one of our give-aways.

                                                  TO KISS OR NOT TO KISS

Okay, I read your article about NO THKS before marriage and I completely agree with your point of view.  Thanks a lot for your down to earth analysis. I know it will go a long way to help people who are struggling with sexual purity outside marriage. I actually put my own relationship under a self appraisal, just to ensure that I am still operating within the purity boundaries. 

However, I remembered something that happened a couple of weeks ago, that brings an interesting twist to the matter. I thought it would be nice to share it and further broaden perspectives on this issue.

Well, one night, my fiancé who was on his way back home after a long and very busy Saturday, decided to pick me up from where I was in town and gave me a ride home first. It was already very late, so we knew we could not spend much time together, but when we were about getting to my place, he let on that he has had an extremely hectic week and it had been a while that he ate good food.

He was also very tired, since he had been driving for over four hours and he planned to go to an eatery to get some fast food for dinner. My heart reacted when I heard this, and although my ‘prim and proper, stick to the rules’ mind told me to let him go as it would be inappropriate to have him in my house at that time, my sisterly (or probably Martha ministry) instinct told me that it would be wrong to let a brother go away hungry especially since it was very much within my power to do something about it!

Eventually, the Martha ministry mind prevailed and even though he initially refused, I insisted that he come in and have a meal before going home.  I quickly whipped up some very good food, and it was a pleasure to watch him eat to his heart’s content, I could tell from his smile that he was very happy. However, when he finished eating and I cleared up the dishes, he pulled me into a very tight and warm embrace which lasted for quite some time.

At some point, I thought we were going too far and I could not bear it any longer, so I pulled away and he decided that it was time to go. When he left, I started feeling very guilty because our hugging had clearly gone beyond what I thought were appropriate physical boundaries.

I started blaming myself for even allowing him to come in and have a meal at that time of the night. I could not pray and I hardly slept all night. In church the next day, I still felt very guilty and unclean. It took quite some time to assure myself that God is still a merciful God and since I have confessed he had also forgiven me. I also saw reason to thank God that he had helped us not to take it further than that.

After dealing with the burden of guilt in my heart, I began to wonder how my fiancé felt about the incident, if he also had to go through an experience as harrowing as I had just gone through. Thankfully, we communicate very well with each other and when the opportunity came to talk over the phone, I told him how I had felt and how I had found it very difficult to pray until I begged God to forgive me and take the guilt away. 

To my utter amazement, he said that he had not felt guilty at all! He was very surprised to learn that what he thought was a gesture to show his profound appreciation for what I had just done for him was for me a very sensual and sexual act.

His reaction really surprised me and taught me the importance of effective communication in setting appropriate physical boundaries in a relationship, because people’s beliefs about is so varied even amongst sons and daughters of God, and what is deemed inappropriate by one might not appear so to the other.

If we want to avoid offending one another and ultimately God in our relationships we have to effectively communicate and set appropriate limits before we go too far into our relationships.

Through very frank communication, we were able to agree on appropriate physical boundaries which would prevent either of us feeling that we had committed a sin.

I read an article online a lady’s reaction when her fiancé asked if he could kiss her. She berated him and condemned him for asking for such a thing when he was supposed to be a Christian. He said she made him feel like dung” I think that it was not proper for the lady to make her man, who was a fellow Christian, feel that way for what he asked. She should have corrected him with a spirit of gentleness (Galatians 6:1).

However, I'm wondering how come they were already engaged and the brother had no inkling that his fiancée had such a strong opposition to the kissing act. Obviously they had not spelt out clear physical boundaries before they went too far along in their relationship. This incident eventually led to the ruin of their relationship.

I also had a discussion with one of my friends who recently got engaged, and she told me how she and her fiancé took time to confer and agree on physical boundaries when they made their relationship official. She said that while kissing and sex (in whatever form) were off limits, hugging was very much allowed and appreciated!!! She confided that she had no issues with that level of physical contact, because she grew up in a family where hugging and cuddling were common place (which unfortunately is not the case for most African families!).

Of course, it is not just enough to talk and agree on physical boundaries and assume that there will be no temptation to cross those limits from time to time. Temptations will arise, so be ready for them and you could also agree on what an appropriate reaction should be when one of you is tempted, e.g. leave the place.

The book “Boy meets Girl: Say hello to courtship” written by Joshua Harris is a very good book that addresses the issue of sexual and physical purity before tying the knot.

So, the objective of this write up is the need to maintain effective communication in a relationship. I think it is indeed the most effective ingredient in a successful relationship and marriage.

Instead of kissing, we should use our lips to talk to one another in love, and may the Lord help us keep utmost purity in our relationships in Jesus name.

Blessings!

Don't Judge Me: I'm in love and I do not kiss. Yes! It is Possible!

Happy Monday to you all!

Hope you had a great weekend.

Please don't forget to sign up to follow my blog.

Here is my write-up to the question that was asked last week:

The no THKS (No inappropriate Touching, no inappropriate Hugging, no inappropriate Kissing and no Sex) is a useful tool to utilise in a Christian courtship. 

While the Bible did not explicitly state that kissing is a sin, however, what tends to happen after the ‘K’ does not and will not please God, unless we want to fool ourselves.

I believe the way love has been portrayed in society and in the media have influenced how some Christians view love during their courtship.

In our relationship, we must be pure throughout; we must DARE to be DIFFERENT. 

Kissing takes our mind away from God, and it increases one’s sexual tension for one’s partner.

Kissing is also difficult to STOP when one engages in it and your imagination is very likely to wander and you may want to take it to the next stage (Physical touching, caressing, fingering, sex, oral sex, amongst others).

Remember, the Bible says in Matthew 5: 28 that, “But I tell you that if anyone looks at a woman and wants to sin sexually with her, in his mind he has already done that sin with the woman”. It is therefore impossible to kiss and at the same time, refrain one’s imagination from running wild.

Why not take a stand for total purity and not engage in kissing. Let’s be on this journey together, regardless if you are in a short or long distance relationship.

It is possible to stay pure; it is all in the mind and having self-control.  Also, regularly reading relevant scriptures and articles in relation to staying pure in courtship would help.

If we want to pursue godliness, it is simply the wrong question to ask. The questions we should ask ourselves are:

1. Would we confidently describe kissing our fiancé/fiancée/boyfriend/girlfriend as holy and honourable to God?
2. Was the kissing done to satisfy lust or was it to honour God with our bodies?
3. Does it reflect purity?
4. Do you feel kissing and romancing is a holy act?
5. What do you think God will do if He was in your shoe?
6. Whatever you did if it is kissing or romance, was there a hint of sexual immorality? Ephesians 5:3-5

From the questions that I usually receive and the discussions that I have engaged in, a lot of people who justify pre-marital sexual involvement (including kissing, touching, etc) are those who are currently engaging in it. However, people do want to stop it, but because they had started it already, it becomes difficult to stop. 

If you haven’t started the THKS, I would encourage you not to go near it (Do not awaken love until it is so desires).  And if you have started it and you are looking for ways to stop, please keep reading this post for suggestions on how to stop.

It is to be noted that no Christians that engaged in THKS prior to their marriage would look back and defend that it was a good choice that they made, and neither would they encourage you to engage in it.

Notes

·        If you have engaged in any of the THKS, it is still possible to stop it.

·         Start renewing your mind with the Word of God. The Word of God would influence and change you.

·         Ask God to embrace you again. God is a God of second chance. He is ready to forgive and cleanse us, once we ask for His mercy.

·         Start building friends and mentors that will guide you in the right way.

·         If you are in a relationship and you can’t stop engaging in the THKS, I will advice you and your partner to SPEAK out, SEEK SUPPORT, and if you still can’t stop, to honour God, the solution is to end the relationship.  

·         God said that, whoever covers his or her sin will not prosper Proverbs 28:13.  Please, stop hiding it; speak out so that you can be FREE from it.

·         In terms of romance, I agree with one of the comments in the question (read last week's post) asked that, expressing your love is pre-requisite in courtship (nonetheless we must be careful of the choice of words and the choice of things that we do). 

·        One of the people that commented suggested , expressing your romance through careful choice of words, gifts, acts of service, learning about each other’s character, etc.

·         I know some of you are thinking that, it is impossible not to kiss and romance (touching, sexual behaviour). Trust me, it is possible, I am following it and I know a number of people that adhere to it.

Final words:

1.    You are in charge of your body.

2.    You must make every effort to stay pure.

3.    You must practice self-control.

4.    You and your partner must have convictions not to engage in it. If it is only one person that has the conviction, you are likely to fall, until both of you agree. (God said can two walk together except they agree?  Amos 3:3).

5.    Think about your future testimony with your children. What would you tell them? Are you going to tell them that God transformed you along the way when you fell into sin or are you going to tell them that you continued to engage in what you felt was wrong.

6.    Start reading books, articles, having discussions about showing love in a Christian courtship.

You have the opportunity to get it right before it is too late.

You can look back from today and say ‘when I knew the right way of courting, I courted my boyfriend the way that was pleasing to God'.

Remember, true love in line with 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 waits.

True love will not want you to disobey God.

A man or a lady that insists on kissing and touching is more in love with his or her body than implementing self-control to stay off sexual immorality.

The right way of courtship brings peace, joy and no worries.  It also makes one to have a good testimony. The wrong way brings shame, guilt, lack of trust, punishments from God, etc.

Remember Joseph feared God, he ran away from sexual things from Potiphar's wife.
Also remember that despite that God loved David, when he committed sexual sin, God punished him. 

I will end this write-up with Twale’s comment: “After marriage, I'm sure many people would be tired of kissing, right? Therefore, please chillax".  

In other words, there will be many opportunities within marriage to express your love to your spouse. You won’t be guilty neither would you be committing sin.

Action Point

Pastor Adeboye said that ‘the weakness you are able to conquer today will mostly likely be conquered by your generations. Start a good chain of living right today.

Abraham lied little, Isaac lied more, Jacob was worse with his lie.  Can you see how the sin affected their generations because Abraham started the lie and he didn't fully repent and terminate it?

Prayer

Lord Jesus, please help me to overcome every weakness in my life in Jesus name. 

Help me to have victory over every weakness in my life. I will not pass seeds of weaknesses to my children and the generations to come in Jesus name.

Give Away!!!
The winners of last week's give aways are Ifekt, Twale, Opeyemi and Patience. The winners will be contacted soon. Congratulations!

- Myss Lafunky

(During courtship) Is kissing and Romance a sin? (Check out the Give-aways)

Hi Readers and followers,

Questions

Is kissing sinful in Christian Courtship?
Is romance a sin during Christian Courtship?

Answer

I believe kissing and romance during courtship is a sin.

Kissing takes our mind away from God, and it increases one’s sexual tension for one’s partner.

Kissing is also difficult to STOP when one engages in it and your imagination is very likely to wander and you may want to take it to the next stage (Physical touching, caressing, fingering, sex, oral sex, amongst others).

Remember, the Bible says in Matthew 5: 28 that, “But I tell you that if anyone looks at a woman and wants to sin sexually with her, in his mind he has already done that sin with the woman”. It is therefore impossible to kiss and at the same time, refrain one’s imagination from running wild.

Why not take a stand for total purity and not engage in kissing. Let’s be on this journey together, regardless if you are in a short or long-distance relationship.

It is possible to stay pure; it is all in the mind and having self-control.  Also, regularly read relevant scriptures and articles about staying pure in courtship would help.

If we want to pursue godliness, it is simply the wrong question to ask. The questions we should ask ourselves are:

1. Would we confidently describe kissing our fiancé/fiancée/boyfriend/girlfriend as holy and honourable to God?
2. Was the kissing done to satisfy lust or was it to honour God with our bodies?
3. Does it reflect purity?
4. Do you feel kissing and romancing is a holy act?
5. What do you think God will do if He was in your shoe?
6. Whatever you did if it is kissing or romance, was there a hint of sexual immorality? Ephesians 5:3-5.

From the questions that I usually receive and the discussions that I have engaged in, a lot of people who justify pre-marital sexual involvement (including kissing, touching, etc) are those who are currently engaging in it. However, people do want to stop it, but because they had started it already, it becomes difficult to stop. 

The no THKS (No inappropriate Touching, no inappropriate Hugging, no inappropriate Kissing and no Sex) is a useful tool to utilise in a Christian courtship. 

While the Bible did not explicitly state that kissing is a sin, however, what tends to happen after the ‘K’ does not and will not please God unless we want to fool ourselves.

I believe the way love has been portrayed in society and in the media have influenced how some Christians view love during their courtship.

In our relationship, we must be pure throughout; we must DARE to be DIFFERENT. 

If you haven’t started the THKS, I would encourage you not to go near it (Do not awaken love until it is so desired).  And if you have started it and you are looking for ways to stop, please keep reading this post for suggestions on how to stop.

It is to be noted that no Christians that engaged in THKS before their marriage would look back and defend that it was a good choice that they made, and neither would they encourage you to engage in it.

Notes

·        If you have engaged in any of the THKS, it is still possible to stop it.

·        Start renewing your mind with the Word of God. The Word of God would influence and change you.

·        Ask God to embrace you again. God is a God of a second chance. He is ready to forgive and cleanse us, once we ask for His mercy.

·        Start building friends and mentors that will guide you in the right way.

·        If you are in a relationship and you can’t stop engaging in the THKS, I will advise you and your partner to SPEAK out, SEEK SUPPORT, and if you still can’t stop, to honour God, the solution is to end the relationship.  

·        God said that whoever covers his or her sin will not prosper Proverbs 28:13.  Please, stop hiding it; speak out so that you can be FREE from it.

·      

Final words:

1.    You are in charge of your body.

2.    You must make every effort to stay pure.

3.    You must practice self-control.

4.    You and your partner must have convictions not to engage in it. If it is only one person that has the conviction, you are likely to fall, until both of you agree. (God said can two walk together except they agree?  Amos 3:3).

5.    Think about your future testimony with your children. What would you tell them? Are you going to tell them that God transformed you along the way when you fell into sin or are you going to tell them that you continued to engage in what you felt was wrong?

6.    Start reading books, articles, having discussions about showing love in a Christian courtship.

You have the opportunity to get it right before it is too late.

You can look back from today and say ‘when I knew the right way of courting, I courted my boyfriend the way that was pleasing to God'.

Remember, true love in line with 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 waits.

True love will not want you to disobey God.

A man or a lady that insists on kissing and touching is more in love with his or her body than implementing self-control to stay off sexual immorality.

The right way of courtship brings peace, joy and no worries.  It also makes one have a good testimony. The wrong way brings shame, guilt, lack of trust, punishments from God, etc.

Remember Joseph feared God, he ran away from sexual things from Potiphar's wife.
Also remember that despite that God loved David, when he committed sexual sin, God punished him. 

I will end this write-up with Twale’s comment: “After marriage, I'm sure many people would be tired of kissing, right? Therefore, please chillax".  

In other words, there will be many opportunities within marriage to express your love to your spouse. You won’t be guilty neither would you be committing sin.

Action Point

Pastor Adeboye said that ‘the weakness you can conquer today will most likely be conquered by your generations. Start a good chain of living right today.

Abraham lied little, Isaac lied more, Jacob was worse with his lie.  Can you see how the sin affected their generations because Abraham started the lie and he didn't fully repent and terminate it?

Prayer

Lord Jesus, please help me to overcome every weakness in my life in Jesus name. 

Help me to have victory over every weakness in my life. I will not pass seeds of weaknesses to my children and the generations to come in Jesus name.

-Myss Lafunky